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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph bellow shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2010.

The graph bellow shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2010.
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The bar graph compares, the total number of guests visited between the
years
Use synonyms
 2000 and 2005 in three different museums. To summarize, in the given period, the crowds visited the museum were averagely minimal in National,
China
Use synonyms
 followed by MET, New
York
Use synonyms
 and
Edo
Use synonyms
, Tokyo. In the year 2000, in
Edo
Use synonyms
,Tokyo 13
million
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
 were noticed
while
Linking Words
, in MET at New
York
Use synonyms
 12
million
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
 and in National,
China
Use synonyms
 6
million
Use synonyms
.
Further
Linking Words
, in the
years
Use synonyms
 2001 and 2002, 6
million
Use synonyms
 annual
visitors
Use synonyms
 were recorded in MET, New
York
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
, older history was maintained for
Edo
Use synonyms
 in 2001 and reduced in the next year.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the 7.8
million
Use synonyms
 in National
China
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 gradually increased in the next few
years
Use synonyms
 and the same was witnessed in the
years
Use synonyms
 2003 and 2004.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, in the
years
Use synonyms
 2003 and 2004, a slight decrease and rise occurred in
Edo
Use synonyms
, Tokyo
similarly
Linking Words
, a rapid incline was captured in MET, New
York
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year 2005, all three profited with the huge number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 where National,
China
Use synonyms
 was 15.5
million
Use synonyms
 observed and the reset were negligible.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, china, york, edo, million, visitors with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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