IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

You are interested in attending a training course abroad but require financial support to do so. Write a letter to the education department requesting financial assistance. In your letter •introduce yourself •describe the training course and how it would benefit your work •explain why you need financial assistance.

#course #support #education #department #assistance #•introduce #•describe #work #•explain
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to request you for scholarship support from your esteemed organisation. I am Sam, currently living in Toronto City in the Woodside neighbourhood for the past twenty-five years.
Furthermore
, I am working as a business analyst in one of the world's best companies. Recently, I was checking your firm website for employment-related purposes. Fortunately, I saw a data analysis course on your webpage with a detailed description.
Moreover
,
this
 subject was completely covered by using Microsoft Power BI, which is good for my future career. Because, these days, most organisations are looking for
this
 professional certificate. Once I finish
this
 lesson, it helps me to promote my image in the company,
as well as
 my salary level
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
.
Finally
, I would like to request financial assistance for
this
 training subject from your prestigious school. Because, in my family, I am the only income-earning person. So, all of my income is completely spent on our daily needs. I hope you can understand my situation, and I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Sam
Submitted by jeeveshkb22 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to address the recipient more specifically if possible, rather than using 'Sir or Madam'. Providing a more specific department or name can make your letter feel more personal and directed.
Coherence and Cohesion
While you have structured your letter into paragraphs, working on transitions between paragraphs can help improve the flow and make your arguments more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although your spelling and grammar are generally good, remember to check for minor errors that might slip through, such as in phrases like 'request you for scholarship support'. The correct phrasing would be 'request scholarship support from you'.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear introduction of yourself, which is great for setting the context.
Task Achievement
Your explanation of how the training would benefit your work and career was well detailed, which helps strengthen your argument for financial assistance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Finishing the letter with a polite and hopeful note is an excellent way to conclude.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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