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Band 7

Some people say that all people should stay in full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #education #years
Education
, which plays an important role, students should spend full-time for though they are at least 18 years old.
This
 author agrees with the latter viewpoint that students should concentrate on
education
 so as to contribute to the enhancement of
knowledge
 and the wealth of educational levels in one nation. It is vital to understand that spending full-time on
education
 when
people
 are mature can help them have a good grasp of
knowledge
 to make the grades and succeed in the workforce.
This
 includes not only academic
knowledge
 but
also
 practical skills.
As a result
, if
people
 follow the educational program seriously, they will assimilate
knowledge
 easily and boost their educational backgrounds.
In addition
, they will have a chance to work in top-tier companies with high salaries. Another key component of the case for spending most of the time studying is developing educational levels in one country.
This
 means
people
 are high on
education
, performing better on achievement and becoming a potential person. In
this
 situation,
this
 thing will create an opportunity for the country to build up the intellectual level and have the ability to turn into a powerful country.
Therefore
, it is easy to understand why
people
 should spend most of their time on
education
 at the age of 18. In conclusion, paying attention to
education
 during
people
 are at least 18 years old is extremely important in their success and the wealth of one nation.
Therefore
, it should have been demonstrated that
people
 should be encouraged to spend most of their time studying.

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task achievement
Your main points are clear, but they could benefit from more specific examples to better illustrate your arguments. Consider including concrete instances or data.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, there are some awkward sentences and minor grammatical errors that can affect readability. Consider revising your sentences for better flow and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective, but the introduction could be more engaging. Try to capture the reader’s attention with a compelling opening sentence.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are logically structured, which helps in understanding your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic comprehensively, covering the key aspects of the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • comprehensive education
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • evolving job market
  • specialized knowledge
  • extended education
  • reducing inequality
  • essential competencies
  • vocational training
  • economic impact
  • financial constraints
  • infrastructure
  • stress and burnout
  • personal aspirations
  • career aspirations
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