IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #habits #lifestyle #children #generations #people #effect #health
An
Change the article
A
show examples
 number of young individuals
experiencing
Wrong verb form
experience
show examples
 diseases that were previously more common among elder people. I'm inclined to agree that there are negative influences on young ones' health, which have caused
due to
 poor dietary
habits
 and living ways. Here I will discuss the causes behind
this
 concern. One reason is that a large amount of foodstuff
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
show examples
 harmful preservatives and high sugar, especially those
taste
Correct pronoun usage
that taste
show examples
 delicious for kids,
such
 as flavoured milk, cereals, snacks, etc. Most of these eatables act as
slow
Add an article
a slow
show examples
 poison for children. In
this
 busy generation, there are more chances that children have to grab these
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 as a meal to get fed easily and quickly. In
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run, it causes
their forming
Wrong verb form
them to form
show examples
an unhealthy eating
Correct the article-noun agreement
unhealthy eating habits
an unhealthy eating habit
show examples
habits
.
Diebetes
Correct your spelling
Diabetes
 and obesity are the ensuing diseases. Another reason for having negative effects is
electronic-device-led
Correct article usage
the electronic-device-led
show examples
 lifestyle. Living
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 media world become a
main stream
Correct your spelling
mainstream
show examples
 culture in
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generatioon
Correct your spelling
generation
generations
, who addictively
scrolling
Wrong verb form
scroll
show examples
 through social media platforms, leading to distractions and regularly staying up late.
Moreover
, mobile gaming and video gaming have resulted in
juviniles
Correct your spelling
juveniles
 spending extended hours staring at screens, which has led to poor eyesight and other health problems related to
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
.
Concluding
Replace the word
In conclusion
show examples
then
, since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern eating
habits
 and digital-led
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 negative effects
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids on both physical and mental, choosing a product should be a careful decision
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 for young minds. Similar to products, we
also
 should keep a check on their
habits
 of lifestyle as well.
Submitted by kayiskayok on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: