IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Somepeople say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Otherpeople think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the development of medical and living qualities,
individuals
Use synonyms
 can significantly live longer than
previously
Change preposition
in previously
show examples
 living conditions.
However
Linking Words
, with the increasing of aged
individuals
Use synonyms
 in
society
Use synonyms
, several social problems obliviously affect the
government
Use synonyms
 and provide external pressures in myriad perspectives in our dailies. At the same time, some
individuals
Use synonyms
 still opine that aged
individuals
Use synonyms
 can bring benefits to
society
Use synonyms
 with a positive stance. The aged
individuals
Use synonyms
 can bring myriad issues and drawbacks to our
society
Use synonyms
. The first significant drawback is the pressure on the healthcare system. With the increase of aged
individuals
Use synonyms
, the
government
Use synonyms
 finance needs to provide more welfare for elderly people.
Besides
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 needs to establish more convenience
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 and elderly
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 for amusement and living convenience. It indicates that the
government
Use synonyms
 needs to put more money into
infrastructure
Use synonyms
. The second potential issue is that
labors
Change the spelling
labours
show examples
 in
society
Use synonyms
 become less, and wages of
labors
Change the spelling
labours
show examples
 are merited to have a higher standard than before. Meanwhile, the
government
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 needs to supply a better
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
 system for these
labors
Replace the word
labourers
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
, some of the occupations which are painstaking would not be full and need more
individuals
Use synonyms
 to do these kinds of laborious work.
However
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some obvious and significant advantages with more aged people. The index of population
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 indicates the developed degree of a country. The first matter is,
Linking Words
although
Correct word choice
that although
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 need the time and money
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
infrastructure
Use synonyms
, living quality and situation become more comfortable compared to previous.
Besides
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 living longer indicates the health condition of
Correct article usage
the self
show examples
self body
Add a hyphen
self-body
show examples
 becomes stronger and hale, and the age of retirement would be put off than previous and utilize
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 for longer. With the more aged
individual's
Change noun form
individuals
show examples
 related to the young workers and young people, the working pressure is not stressed compared to the aged individual's working period at that particularized period. The current
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 price becomes higher, and the
government
Use synonyms
 can import
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 and workers from developing countries and contribute to the construction of
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 with lower prices and financial payments.
Although
Linking Words
 population
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 brings some issues and pressure on the
government
Use synonyms
, some of the implements and methods can solve the problem by importing
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 and improving the
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 and living quality of the country.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: