In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Somepeople say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Otherpeople think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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With the development of medical and living qualities,
individuals
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can significantly live longer than
previously
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in previously

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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living conditions.
However
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, with the increasing of aged
individuals
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in
society
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, several social problems obliviously affect the
government
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and provide external pressures in myriad perspectives in our dailies. At the same time, some
individuals
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still opine that aged
individuals
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can bring benefits to
society
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with a positive stance. The aged
individuals
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can bring myriad issues and drawbacks to our
society
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. The first significant drawback is the pressure on the healthcare system. With the increase of aged
individuals
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, the
government
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finance needs to provide more welfare for elderly people.
Besides
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,
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government
Add an article
the government

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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needs to establish more convenience
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services

It seems that service may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and elderly
centers
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centres

The spelling of centers is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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for amusement and living convenience. It indicates that the
government
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needs to put more money into
infrastructure
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. The second potential issue is that
labors
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labours

The spelling of labors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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in
society
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become less, and wages of
labors
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labours

The spelling of labors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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are merited to have a higher standard than before. Meanwhile, the
government
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also
Linking Words

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needs to supply a better
caring
Replace the word
care

The word caring doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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system for these
labors
Replace the word
labourers

The word labors doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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.
Besides
Linking Words

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, some of the occupations which are painstaking would not be full and need more
individuals
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to do these kinds of laborious work.
However
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, there are
also
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some obvious and significant advantages with more aged people. The index of population
aging
Change the spelling
ageing

The spelling of aging is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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indicates the developed degree of a country. The first matter is,
Linking Words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

although
Correct word choice
that although

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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the
government
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

need the time and money
to
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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infrastructure
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, living quality and situation become more comfortable compared to previous.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Correct article usage
an individual
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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals

It seems that individual may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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living longer indicates the health condition of
Correct article usage
the self

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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self body
Add a hyphen
self-body

It appears that self body is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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becomes stronger and hale, and the age of retirement would be put off than previous and utilize
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers

The spelling of laborers is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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for longer. With the more aged
individual's
Change noun form
individuals

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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related to the young workers and young people, the working pressure is not stressed compared to the aged individual's working period at that particularized period. The current
labor
Change the spelling
labour

The spelling of labor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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price becomes higher, and the
government
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can import
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers

The spelling of laborers is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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and workers from developing countries and contribute to the construction of
infrastructure
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with lower prices and financial payments.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

population
aging
Change the spelling
ageing

The spelling of aging is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
brings some issues and pressure on the
government
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, some of the implements and methods can solve the problem by importing
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers

The spelling of laborers is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
and improving the
infrastructure
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and living quality of the country.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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