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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city center from 2003-2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city center from 2003-2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart gives information about the changing
ratio
Use synonyms
 of crimes in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inner Newport
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
 between 2003 to 2012 in 3 different types of crimes (
burglary
Use synonyms
,
car
Use synonyms
theft
Use synonyms
 and robbery).
Overall
Linking Words
, the
proptions
Correct your spelling
proportions
proportion
 undergo numerous changes . The percentage of
burglary
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly decreased in the given period,
while
Linking Words
car
Use synonyms
theft
Use synonyms
 and
bobbery
Correct your spelling
robbery
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
stayed sustainably. In the case of
burglary
Use synonyms
,the
number
Use synonyms
 of incidents was
abot
Correct your spelling
about
 3500, which was increased to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 4000 in 2004, which was the
highes
Correct your spelling
highest
 report of that time. After that,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
burglary
Use synonyms
 crime
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly declined and rich
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 in 2008, with just over 1000 incidents. Between 2008 and 20012, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
burglary
Change to a plural noun
burglaries
show examples
 had some fluctuation, with almost similar numbers in 2008 and 2012, with about 1500. The
ratio
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
theft
Fix the agreement mistake
thefts
show examples
 from the person was almost 500 in 2003, which was the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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number
Use synonyms
 in that given period,
while
Linking Words
 the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of
car
Use synonyms
theft
Use synonyms
 was five
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
robbery
Fix the agreement mistake
robberies
show examples
 with approximately 3000. In the next two
following
Verb problem
apply
show examples
years, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
robbery was
Wrong verb form
robberies
show examples
 gradually rose,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
car
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
theft
Fix the agreement mistake
thefts
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually declined with around 1000 and 2700 respectively. Between 2006 and 2007, the
car
Use synonyms
theft
Use synonyms
ratio
Use synonyms
over took
Correct your spelling
overtook
show examples
 the
burglary
Use synonyms
 rate at about 2000. For the next 5 years, both numbers had some fluctuations, but they
follow
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 a similar trend and stayed
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 almost 500 and 3000, just similar
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
fist
Correct your spelling
first
show examples
 year.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ratio, burglary, car, theft, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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