In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

#countries #people #population #governments #society

Nowadays, the life expectancy is longer than before.

Although

many argue that the more elderly

people

live, the more drawbacks will be brought about by the government, I am more inclined toward its positive side. On the one hand, an ageing population creates problems for governments.

Firstly

, the system is supposed to spend more money.

In other words

, these old individuals require not only a pension but

also

insurance.

As a result

, the government should allocate a great proportion of its budget to these

people

For example

, those retired civil servants will still receive their pension from the government,

however

Add a comma

,however

show examples

they are not producing anything.

Secondly

, the overpopulation of senior citizens affects the military power of a country as well. If fewer young

people

exist in a nation rather than elderly ones, fewer human resources will be available for the military,

thus

it will be weakened.

On the other hand

, there will be several benefits if a society has more old

people

Initially

, old

people

are more experienced rather than juveniles, so they can pass their experience to the next generation. To be more specific, the elderly population is considered as a main resource of knowledge in a country,

hence

they are able to guide youngsters. To exemplify, when a teen person tends

to begin

a business, he can first ask for an old individual’s advice.

Moreover

, aged

people

are one of the main ways of studying history.

Due to

their age, they have witnessed many events in the past, which makes them a first-hand source of information about those incidents. In conclusion, despite the notion regarding the disadvantages that the ageing population causes, I believe the advantages of

this

situation outweigh the downsides.

Submitted by mohammadmgh1381 on Mon Sep 11 2023

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language

Try to avoid repeating words or phrases, like 'old people' and 'elderly'. Use synonyms to diversify your language. It will make your essay sound more interesting and sophisticated.

grammar

While very minor, check your use of 'rather than' versus 'in comparison to' or 'compared to' for more accurate and formal language.

content

Don't forget to elaborate your examples a bit more to fully convey your point. They seems a bit rushed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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16Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Students should pay for their study in university as it benefits individual not whole society. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

17 Many people use social media every day to get in touch with other people and obtain the news. Do you think the advantages of this way outweigh the disadvantages? (MEDIA)

People from many countries are marrying later and having fewer children. Give reasons why this is happening. Are there any positive or negative developments regarding this?