In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

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Nowadays, the life expectancy is longer than before.
Although
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many argue that the more elderly
people
Use synonyms
live, the more drawbacks will be brought about by the government, I am more inclined toward its positive side. On the one hand, an ageing population creates problems for governments.
Firstly
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, the system is supposed to spend more money.
In other words
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, these old individuals require not only a pension but
also
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insurance.
As a result
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, the government should allocate a great proportion of its budget to these
people
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.
For example
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, those retired civil servants will still receive their pension from the government,
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however
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,however
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they are not producing anything.
Secondly
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, the overpopulation of senior citizens affects the military power of a country as well. If fewer young
people
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exist in a nation rather than elderly ones, fewer human resources will be available for the military,
thus
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it will be weakened.
On the other hand
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, there will be several benefits if a society has more old
people
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.
Initially
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, old
people
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are more experienced rather than juveniles, so they can pass their experience to the next generation. To be more specific, the elderly population is considered as a main resource of knowledge in a country,
hence
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they are able to guide youngsters. To exemplify, when a teen person tends
to begin
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a business, he can first ask for an old individual’s advice.
Moreover
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, aged
people
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are one of the main ways of studying history.
Due to
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their age, they have witnessed many events in the past, which makes them a first-hand source of information about those incidents. In conclusion, despite the notion regarding the disadvantages that the ageing population causes, I believe the advantages of
this
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situation outweigh the downsides.
Submitted by mohammadmgh1381 on

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language
Try to avoid repeating words or phrases, like 'old people' and 'elderly'. Use synonyms to diversify your language. It will make your essay sound more interesting and sophisticated.
grammar
While very minor, check your use of 'rather than' versus 'in comparison to' or 'compared to' for more accurate and formal language.
content
Don't forget to elaborate your examples a bit more to fully convey your point. They seems a bit rushed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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