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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of short-term vistors to Austrilia from 4 different countries from 2010-2017.

The graph below shows the number of short-term vistors to Austrilia from 4 different countries from 2010-2017.
The bar graph illustrates the number of people arriving
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Australia as
visitors
Use synonyms
 from four different countries over an
eight year
Add a hyphen
eight-year
show examples
 period.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest figures of
visitors
Use synonyms
 arriving to Australia are from China and New Zealand, with both countries
experienced
Wrong verb form
experiencing
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 similar statistics in the remaining two years. The USA remained consistent until 2015
where
Correct word choice
when
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 there was a subtle increase and
visitors
Use synonyms
 arriving from Japan fluctuated. New Zealand's
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the highest figures among other countries, it increased from 1.2 to 1.4 million by the end of the period.
This
Linking Words
 was overtaken by the Chinese in 2016 with more than 1.4 million tourists, which is seven times more than in 2010.
American's
Change noun form
Americans
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 visiting Australia remained consistent with 600,000
visitors
Use synonyms
 before
witnessed
Wrong verb form
witnessing
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 a slight increase of 50,000 for the remaining two years. Arrivals from Japan
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the lowest with a quarter of a million people visiting, which fluctuated before reaching
peak
Add an article
a peak
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 in 2017.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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