IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts provided information about the average money spent on households in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

The pie charts provided information about the average money spent on households in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.
The pie charts display the average proportions of money spent on households in Japan and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in 2010. It's evident that spending on Food and Other goods and services was close to each other in both countries.
However
Linking Words
, spending on health care took
last
Linking Words
 place in Japan and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, Japanise spent 2 times more than Malaysians.
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 households spent the third part of the budget on Housing
In contrast
Linking Words
, those part took only 21 per
cent
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 in Japan, where the most common spending is on Other goods and services with 29 per
cent
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. Japanese had been spending about 20 per
cent
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 on Transport,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 category took only 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,those countries had similar spending in some categories, but where they had differences, these differences were significant.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words malaysia, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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