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Band 6.5

The Pie chart below show the main reasons why agricultural land becomes Iess productivitive. The table shows how these causes affected regions of the world during the 1990s.

The Pie chart below show the main reasons why agricultural land becomes Iess productivitive. The table shows how these causes affected regions of the world during the 1990s.
#show #land #iess #productivitive #regions #world
The pie chart illustrates the causes of world wilde
land
disapperances
Correct your spelling
disappearances
disappearance
 and the table explains the causes of
land
 degradation by region. 
To begin
 with,
according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the pie chart shows four reasons,
such
 as deforestation, Over- cultivation ,
Over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
- grazing and others.
Firstly
,
deforestation
Correct article usage
the deforestation
show examples
percentage
 was 30%. That
percentage
 was less than the over-grazing
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
. 35% of
over - grazing
Correct your spelling
overgrazing
show examples
percentage
 .
Therefore
 agricultural lands
had becomes
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 less
productivity
Replace the word
productive
show examples
. Over- cultivation
percentage
 was 28%.
In addition
,
thee
Correct your spelling
other
show examples
 countries
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
faced
that
Change preposition
with that
show examples
 situation,
such
 as North
American
Correct your spelling
America
show examples
,
Europe
,
Oceania
Correct word choice
and Oceania
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
Europe
Change noun form
Europe's
show examples
 deforestation
percentage
 was increasing than the the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 regions. The
Percentage
 was 9.8%
as well as
 over -cultivation
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rose in
Europe
 country. but
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two countries
Over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cultivation
percentage
 was less than the
Europe
Correct your spelling
European
show examples
 country parentage.
Over - grazing
Correct your spelling
Overgrazing
show examples
percentage
 was
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
 in Oceania
percentage
 .
Overall
, in 1990,
Europe
Change noun form
Europe's
show examples
acicultural
Correct your spelling
agricultural
land
 had
becomes
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 less
product
Replace the word
productive
show examples
 than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
twoCountries
Correct your spelling
two countries
. 23%
total
Change preposition
of total
show examples
land
 degraded in
Europe
 country in 1990.
Submitted by heshanij9 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words land, percentage, europe with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 10 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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