IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that government should tax unhealthy foods to encourage people to eat healthier. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some pupils believe that authorities should
tax
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 unhealthy meals to motivate
people
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 to consume healthier. I personally disagree with
this
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 notion and will elucidate my opinion in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with,
tax
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, in general, is a continuous struggle for most
people
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, It is believed that paying
taxes
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 can be a burden ,especially for the lower-income group of society.
For instance
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, someone who works as a teacher with a moderate salary can barely survive to fulfil the essential expenses, let alone pay
taxes
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.
Moreover
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, unhealthy
foods
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 are way cheaper than healthier ones,
therefore
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, all
people
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 from different classes can buy these
foods
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 ,especially students who are still not obligated to pay
taxes
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. With that statement, it is unnecessary to make folks pay
taxes
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 for unhealthy food.
On the other hand
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, there are other alternatives to encourage pupils to start eating healthy
foods
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 other than increasing the
tax
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 bills. To give an example,
people
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 nowadays like to go to the gym because it is more fun to become healthy in that way,
therefore
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 it is better to give free access to gym facilities for
people
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 to enjoy. In another case, since healthy
foods
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 can be expensive, the government should start lowering the price so that
people
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 can be motivated to eat more healthy meals. To summarize, the authorities can have plenty of alternatives to encourage
people
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 rather than increasing the
tax
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 rate.
To sum up
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, paying
taxes
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 is a burden to society,
therefore
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, I strongly disagree that the government have
people
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 pay
taxes
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 merely for unhealthy meals.
Besides
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, various methods to promote healthy eating can easily be made with a thorough discussion and rigorous effort from the power maker of a country and the minister of health.

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task achievement
Consider rephrasing or expanding your introduction to include a clear thesis statement that outlines your main points. This will provide a stronger foundation for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure that your paragraphs develop one main idea each and that transitions between ideas are smooth and clear. Using linking words and phrases can enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
In your examples, be more specific and detailed to enhance the relevance and strength of your arguments. More concrete examples can help to illustrate your points more compellingly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a clear opinion and is well-structured, with a logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
You offer thoughtful alternatives to taxing unhealthy foods, which demonstrates critical thinking and consideration of the topic.
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