Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #person #opportunity

The debate over the importance and benefits of being rich has long been a subject of discussion. Some

people

believe that being rich can provide a

person

the chance to help other

people

. In my opinion, it is good to help the poor when a

person

is rich but in today's

world

, not every rich

person

helps the poor.

To begin

with,

due to

the unequal distribution of resources, a huge number of

people

are not even able to arrange food for themselves

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

the other side,

people

have unlimited resources but they do not try to help the poor

although

they do charity a little bit but it is not enough.

For instance

due to

the capitalistic approach,

people

are making money from the money. They prefer investing

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

in some businesses

instead

of doing charity.

Furthermore

, there are some personalities in the

world

who

understood

Wrong verb form

understand

show examples

the real meaning of life. They earned a lot and now they started projects worldwide to help poor

people

For example

, the most renowned personality, "Bill Gates" took the initiative to finance to treatment of polio worldwide. He spent millions of dollars on it and almost achieved the target. In conclusion, in the

world

of capitalism, everyone is thinking of earning more and more.

Although

it is right that being rich can give a

person

the opportunity to help the poor

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

no one wants to do it except a few personalities. Rich

people

should provide opportunities to poor

people

so that they can earn themselves.

That is

how the

world

can be changed.

Submitted by khannaughty26 on Wed Sep 13 2023

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

wealthy
financial resources
philanthropy
charitable organizations
donations
fundraising
support
initiatives
contribute
fulfillment
purpose
selfless
altruistic
prioritize
personal gain

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Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

IELTS Writing Samples by topic In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

You arranged to visit a friend in England but an important event at home now means that you must change the dates of the visit. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: explain the important event; apologise for the situation; suggest a new arrangement.

More and more people are using computers and electric devices to access information, therefore there is no need to print books, magazines and newspapers on paper. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think person happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.