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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, most countries improve the standard of living through economic development. But some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of the phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is debatable whether economic
development
Use synonyms
 empowers society for the good or
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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loosens the attachment of community. Despite the strong opinion stating that spiritual and emotional values will be lost in the rise of the
economy
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, I surely believe that within the era of innovation and
development
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,
people
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 will benefit from it one way or another.
To begin
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 with, there are tons of opportunities for improvement that come
along with
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 the growth of the
economy
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.
People
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’s lives are enriched through many aspects
such
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 as education, health, and hospitality.
For instance
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, more capital can be invested in building public schools, applying more advanced technologies in treating patients, and upgrading customer services and facilities in the service industry.
Moreover
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,
this
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also
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 means that the funds for cultural conservation will be widened, helping preserve historical places and cultural heritage.
In contrast
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, the main reason for the negativity towards economic growth is its consequences of creating materialism and individualism. In order to endure the
development
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 of the
economy
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,
people
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 have to work hard to make more money, the more money transactions being made, the greater impact it will have on the
economy
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.
However
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,
this
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 creates a “9 to 5” working habit which exhausts workers and
also
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 limits the time for individuals to enjoy social life.
Therefore
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, with hard-earned currency,
people
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 tend to be more selfish with material values and do not want to share with others.
To conclude
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, economic
development
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 furnishes
people
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 with improvement in many fields and positively affects living standards.
Although
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 there are some downsides to
this
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 phenomenon, they would rather be minor inconveniences in
people
Use synonyms
’s lives.

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. However, some areas could be further elaborated to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is well-established, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The ideas are well connected and supported with relevant examples. However, some transitions could be improved to enhance coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • social values
  • materialism
  • community welfare
  • sustainable technologies
  • environmental degradation
  • social stratification
  • social cohesion
  • economic status
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