IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some
people
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 argue that everybody, especially young
people
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, should save and invest their
money
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 in the future. I agree with
this
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 statement because everyone should save some
money
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 for their expenses, which are necessary for old age and wealthy life, and
also
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 because young
people
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 have enough time to invest their
money
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while
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 working as employees.
People
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 require more
money
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 during retirement, so they should save
while
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 working.
According to
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 young
people
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, older adults have many expenses,
such
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 as health and elderly care.
Furthermore
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, if
people
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 do not save
money
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, they will not have enough to manage these needs.
Additionally
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, it is necessary to look after older
people
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, as they may stay in a nursery house. Some of them may be expensive for
people
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.
According to
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 data from America, most retired
people
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 cannot afford health care payments because of a lack of budget. Young
people
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 have more time to invest and save
money
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 than older adults so that they may create a fortune for their retirement. If employees save
money
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 regularly each month, they will have enough
money
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 to live in better conditions when they retire.
However
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, economic conditions are getting difficult in cities, so
people
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 should cope with saving more
money
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 than in the past. In Turkey, most
people
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 do not have houses, so they should pay monthly rent.
This
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 situation causes economic problems for young
people
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.
To conclude
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, everyone should manage their own
money
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 to use old age. If
people
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 do not want to face economic issues,
such
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 as health care and retirement house expenses, they should pay more attention to their savings. And
also
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, new employees have more time, so they should use it as an advantage.

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task achievement
Expand your ideas be providing more details or examples. Particularly, including examples of successful saving strategies could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to signal the main idea of each paragraph. This would improve the overall logical flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structure to make your writing more engaging and dynamic. This can enhance your overall coherence.
task achievement
You present a clear stance on the issue and maintain it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion successfully summarizes the main points discussed and reiterates your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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