IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

it is important for people to take risks both in their professional lives and their personal lives. do you think the advantages of taking risk outweight the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives #risk #outweight
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 is a crucial part of everyone’s
lives
Use synonyms
 either in their personal or professional
lives
Use synonyms
. Since people are rivals in a world-wide competition in the current era, sometimes we need to do risky activities to be distinguished from other ones.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 may have some irreparable consequences and disadvantages, I think numerous benefits and advantages can outweigh them definitely.
This
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on some of the justifications through my claim. On the one hand, taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 without enough knowledge can carry various detrimental effects which are not confined to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal
lives
Use synonyms
 and can
be penetrated
Wrong verb form
penetrate
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional
lives
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 may
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in confronting many unexpected troubles and predicaments which can not be solved at all.
Consequently
Linking Words
, when a person tends to take a
risk
Use synonyms
, he/she should not jump on a bandwagon and have to personalize that issue and analyse the probable events to predict whether she/he is able to overcome the problems or not.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, taking calculated risks not only doesn’t have negative aspects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 can have numerous adorable and astonishing implications. To exemplify, it is worthy to mention that a person who is knowledgeable enough and has sufficient
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 in online trading, can achieve a huge amount of income by taking the
risk
Use synonyms
 of overusing the inflation.
Additionally
Linking Words
, taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 can raise people up from their sedentary
lives
Use synonyms
 and push them to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hectic
lives
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 issue can be eliminated by awareness and ultimately its bright sides and profits can appear.
Submitted by atieh.moradkhani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: