IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, many
businesses
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 highlight the uniqueness of their
products
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 in advertising ways. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the primary cause like the attraction of new
customers
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 , and I think it is the favourable growth in modern life. The main reason for using new
products
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 in advertising is to attract more
customers
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. People are naturally curious beings and tend to be drawn to new and unique things. Since ancient times, our forebears have been eager to explore and study the unknown,
as a result
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, major companies take advantage of
this
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 psychological trick to promote their
products
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 as innovative items. By presenting their
products
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 as something fresh with exciting features,
businesses
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 create expressions of unexplored, making clients more likely to them. In my point of view,
this
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 has a positive impact on the technological industry ,
due to
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 the competitiveness between companies for the attraction of new clients. In that case ,
businesses
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 would be forced to develop more innovative items.
This
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 technological race between companies could lead to breathtaking discoveries and
this
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 approach can be
also
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 beneficial for
customers
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.
For example
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 , OpenAI has been a leading company in the AI industry in recent years.
However
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 , a Chinese company recently presented its own AI model with free access,offering quality comparable to OpenAI's premium version.
This
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 competition forced it to abate prices and even make one of its models free, demonstrating how innovation-driven advertising can lead to better and more affordable
products
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 for consumers. In conclusion, the change in advertising of
businesses
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 to emphasise about newness of their
products
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 is usual . The reason was to attract more
customers
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 , with knowledge about the curiosity of people to explore.
This
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 change can lead to benefits
such
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 as technological progress and affordable
products
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 for consumers.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to make your introduction clearer by summarizing your main points more explicitly. This may help guide your reader better.
task achievement
Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your arguments and reiterates your opinion more forcefully to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to review your sentence structure for clarity and accuracy to improve the flow of your ideas. Some sentences were slightly awkward or unclear.
task achievement
The use of a relevant example (OpenAI) effectively illustrates your point about competition driving innovation in the technology sector.
task achievement
Your ability to express your opinions on the topic is commendable, as it shows a clear viewpoint and engagement with the subject matter.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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