In many countries, although people work hard throughout their lives, they still do not have enough money to live comfortably in their retirement. Identify some causes of this retirement issue and suggest possible solutions.

#countries #people #work #lives #money #retirement

this

day and age, the

retirement

problem has been a common reality confronted in a multitude of nations as a fact that many employees or labourers fail to assure themselves a stable pension after

retirement

, regardless of how appreciable their contribution and effort are. There are explicit causes giving rise to the issue and

this

essay aims to discuss them

further

along with

some feasible solutions that could be applied to effectively remedy the problems.

To begin

with, the roots of

this

phenomenon are evidently the lack of righteousness in the labour law and inadequate social welfare. Individuals who devote their whole youth to personal and social benefits may not meet the desired career expectations, as the government,

as well as

organizations,

as well as

Change the punctuation

apply

show examples

organizations

Add the comma(s)

organizations,

show examples

would not radically admit the labourer's effort or offer any incentives to spur the employee's

work

As a result

, people are likely to struggle with their lives after leaving a job.

For instance

, many talented employees in Vietnam are assertive enough to opt to

work

abroad, where a better salary and social welfare are provided in conjunction with

retirement

priority, in place of working for a domestic company that hands them a disadvantageous contract.

Furthermore

, a lower-than-expected pension could possibly be caused by the properties of one’s occupation, typically some manual

work

requiring constant

work

to achieve income.

However

such

problems could be sufficiently alleviated owing to several remedies.

Firstly

, for the sake of social well-being development reflecting contented individuals, authorized parties should take appropriate action jointly to pass new working policies and laws conducive to the employee and worker's interests during and after their tenure. By using

this

method, firms can

also

create a vigorous working environment and

thus

attract an abundant, high-quality workforce.

In addition

, benefactors around the world could guarantee workers' pensions by establishing funds in order to aid some destitute people after their

retirement

. In conclusion, it is undeniable that

retirement

issues caused by disadvantageous offers for individuals in different occupation fields inflict great hardship on their lives following their retreat from

work

Therefore

, the authorized in the

work

market ought to put forward efficient laws and

further

support arduous groups of people with funds.

Submitted by boocheapofficial on Thu Sep 14 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

lexical resource

Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise lexical choices.

grammatical range

Demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures and sentence types to enhance the grammatical range of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS writing?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

365 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree?
In the modern world, the web online has different advanced services for people, such as communication with people around the world via Facebooked and Instagram. Presently, we live in a world of technology and the internet has some benefits for humans. However, I believe that the unsafety of the internet is more than the advantages apply, such as using the identity of other people and spoofing by the internet.
<4
band
POPULATION: The number of people who decide not to have children has increased greatly Do you think this is a positive or negative development
Normally in many societies, many couples hope and make efforts to have children as soon as possible after they marry. In fact, "childfree" phenomenon which refers to a couples who decide not to have children has increased greatly and become a new trend . In my view, this phenomenon should be perceived as a positive trend for two main reasons.
5
band
Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. To what extent to you agree or disagree?
There are some discussions happening that it is necessary for teenagers to participate in outdoor recreation rather than spending time with game consoles. I completely agree that engaging in a variety of activities outside is beneficial for a child as active games develop physical abilities and practice communication skills.
5.5
band
Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
A plethora of people think that the major problem concerning the nature nowadays refers to the extinction of some of the flora and fauna representatives, while others believe that there are other sufficient difficulties, like the air pollution and the violated ozone layer. I agree with the latter statement, as it concerns every creature on the planet and could lead to catastrophic consequences.
7.5
band
It is commonly believed that increasing the price of petrol is the best solution to alleviate the traffic pollution problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?
In the modern era, the price of petrol is proliferating daily. Indeed, this will increase people to use more public transport than a personal vehicle and it also helps to control environmental pollution. In this essay, I will discuss why I completely agree with this phenomenon and what measures government and scientist need to take to make it more effective.

In many countries, although people work hard throughout their lives, they still do not have enough money to live comfortably in their retirement. Identify some causes of this retirement issue and suggest possible solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

POPULATION: The number of people who decide not to have children has increased greatly Do you think this is a positive or negative development

Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is commonly believed that increasing the price of petrol is the best solution to alleviate the traffic pollution problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?