In many countries, although people work hard throughout their lives, they still do not have enough money to live comfortably in their retirement. Identify some causes of this retirement issue and suggest possible solutions.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
day and age, the
retirement
Use synonyms
problem has been a common reality confronted in a multitude of nations as a fact that many employees or labourers fail to assure themselves a stable pension after
retirement
Use synonyms
, regardless of how appreciable their contribution and effort are. There are explicit causes giving rise to the issue and
this
Linking Words
essay aims to discuss them
further
Linking Words
along with
Linking Words
some feasible solutions that could be applied to effectively remedy the problems.
To begin
Linking Words
with, the roots of
this
Linking Words
phenomenon are evidently the lack of righteousness in the labour law and inadequate social welfare. Individuals who devote their whole youth to personal and social benefits may not meet the desired career expectations, as the government,
as well as
Linking Words
organizations,
as well as
Linking Words
,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
organizations
Add the comma(s)
organizations,
show examples
would not radically admit the labourer's effort or offer any incentives to spur the employee's
work
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, people are likely to struggle with their lives after leaving a job.
For instance
Linking Words
, many talented employees in Vietnam are assertive enough to opt to
work
Use synonyms
abroad, where a better salary and social welfare are provided in conjunction with
retirement
Use synonyms
priority, in place of working for a domestic company that hands them a disadvantageous contract.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a lower-than-expected pension could possibly be caused by the properties of one’s occupation, typically some manual
work
Use synonyms
requiring constant
work
Use synonyms
to achieve income.
However
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
problems could be sufficiently alleviated owing to several remedies.
Firstly
Linking Words
, for the sake of social well-being development reflecting contented individuals, authorized parties should take appropriate action jointly to pass new working policies and laws conducive to the employee and worker's interests during and after their tenure. By using
this
Linking Words
method, firms can
also
Linking Words
create a vigorous working environment and
thus
Linking Words
attract an abundant, high-quality workforce.
In addition
Linking Words
, benefactors around the world could guarantee workers' pensions by establishing funds in order to aid some destitute people after their
retirement
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is undeniable that
retirement
Use synonyms
issues caused by disadvantageous offers for individuals in different occupation fields inflict great hardship on their lives following their retreat from
work
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the authorized in the
work
Use synonyms
market ought to put forward efficient laws and
further
Linking Words
support arduous groups of people with funds.
Submitted by boocheapofficial on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise lexical choices.
grammatical range
Demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures and sentence types to enhance the grammatical range of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: