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Band 6

Drug abuse is becoming a problem in our society. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions

#drug #abuse #society
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Some
people
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 said that
drug
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abuse
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 are going to be a huge
problem
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 in the society caused by many reasons and the official is trying to find the solution for it to safe the public moral. First of all, it is undeniable that addictive materials are spreading around the world and became the
problem
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 for a long time. Nowadays, it is are already accessed to
people
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 in the local and the most concern is youths because they are a vulnerable person.
According to
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 the research,
drug
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abuse
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 in the young
people
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 especially in a minor is growing because the wrong value and trend among them.
For example
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: The Mate amphetamine, cocaine, and other addictive items that were used in the TV drama which lead the minor to repeat that behavior. Meanwhile, in adults,
drug
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abuse
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 were used for entertaining and it seen to be more radical in the veteran group.
Thus
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, the
problem
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 need to be solved as soon as possible to safe the
people
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 and secure the city.
Secondly
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, The wrong value in the minor should be solved by campaigning and rising the awareness of the danger of it. In the same time, the social welfare should be provided to adult especially in venerable person who has a high risk to use. For the example: the homeless and veteran must be received the carrier training and budget support to start the new life for keeping them away from the narcotic.
Nevertheless
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, the protection was implement but the therapy for the addicted
also
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 importance because state need man to build, so that, the recovery program to bring them back to normally life is a key to complete as well. In conclusion,
abuse
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 of
drug
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 may causes from many way but there are
also
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 the solutions which can be used to solve each
problem
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 in both of the protection and prevention. In the other hand, the restoration is
also
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 the key to sustain the security of the state.
Submitted by amittawin on

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task response
Provide a more organized structure for the essay with a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve the overall coherence.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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