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Band 6

Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefits, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #humans #animals #rights
Numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
Number
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 of people argue that
animals
 should be used for
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human benefit
show examples
benefits
,
while
 it has been stated that they have some rights to investigate.
Animals
 should be protected in several ways,
while
Correct word choice
and
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 I believe that the
benefits
 of usage of them in our lives
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
 the drawbacks. There are numerous animal rights that should be considered.
Firstly
, in wildlife, there are some
endangerd
Correct your spelling
endangered
 species that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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should be protected from extinction. In order to do that the government must impose some new rules no not only prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
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illegal poaching and hunting
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
 put the highest amount of taxation and punishment.
Additionally
, forests are the location of living
enourmous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 groups of insects, which have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 vital role in the balancing of the ecosystem and decreasing carbon
emmision
Correct your spelling
emission
emissions
 and
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
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 gasses. If the trees
cut
Add a missing verb
were cut
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 down in the forests, some rare species,especially beneficial insects, would
exctinct
Correct your spelling
extinct
.
However
, I am of the opinion that using
animals
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
benefits
 has far more
benefits
. Scientists can
use
 mammals in several medical experiments. Because of the similar body structures of some
animals
such
 as rats and dogs to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans
, researchers can find a cure for some serious illnesses
such
 as cancer,
whithout
Correct your spelling
without
 being
worry
Wrong verb form
worried
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 about the drugs' side effects on their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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.
Furthermoe
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, we can
use
of
Change preposition
apply
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the skin, some products
such
 as milk and egg and the meat of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
farm
animals
. These products can feed us in a healthy way or
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 to make clothes.
Moreover
, some
humans
 keep pets to be a good company for them.
For instance
, dogs and cats are loyal friends who can help us in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tough mental conditions and motivate us
for keeping
Change preposition
to keep
show examples
 our lives, without any
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
. In conclusion,
while
 some individuals argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 rights are very important, I think that we can
use
animals
 in various ways in order to make our lives better.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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