IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.

#overpopulation #areas #two #ones #governments #individuals
It is undoubtedly true that a considerable rise in urban population leads to severe problems. In
this
 essay, the problem will be found and the logical solution will be provided. Overpopulation brings
people
 some drawbacks to their lives. The first main problem is the high prices of apartments and everyday needs. Students and tourists come to the urban areas to work, study and journey,
also
 the lack of land and the strong demand of
people
 to purchase new houses increase the prices.
For instance
, in the city of
Almaty
Add a comma
Almaty,
show examples
 the cost of apartments is expensive the family’s earnings are sometimes not enough to pay rent. Another big issue is environmental pollution, which negatively affects
people
’s health. Numerous vehicles, and huge fabrics, which divide carbon dioxide into the air might decline the work of the liver.
For instance
, in India, thirty-five percent of residents have diseases like malaria for the reason
that is
 breathe filthy air, which originated from trash. To tackle the expensive rate in the urban area, the government should set a limit to the prices and make a normalized cost of houses, which is appropriate with the salaries of citizens. To solve contamination, in the big cities, the government should expand tracks for bikes and scooters, and build a lot of subways, which allow
people
 to move from all the sides of city.
To sum up
, a great number of communities migrate to the urban areas resulting are overpopulation, where
people
 can not provide money to their families with necessary things and harm to health, because of breathing filthy air.
Submitted by gulnurayau on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay needs to address the prompt more directly and thoroughly. Make sure to provide a clearer and more comprehensive response to the issues raised in the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, such as the use of transition words and the presence of an introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure and the development of main points could be further improved for a more cohesive and well-organized essay.
Lexical Resource
The essay displays a fair range of vocabulary and some attempt at using a variety of words. However, there is room for improvement in the use of more precise and appropriate vocabulary to express ideas more effectively.
Grammatical Range
The essay contains a range of grammatical structures and demonstrates some control over grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity and precision.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: