IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funds from the government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree? Outline

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Artists are an asset to a nation. they represent the culture through their art.
However
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, employees or companies offer a small salary for them.
Therefore
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, some sections of society Believe that the regime should provide financial assistance. I believe the
government
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 should issue incentives for their
work
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 as they contribute to the
economy
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 and culture.
To begin
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 with, art master shows their talent in various forms
such
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 as dance, painting and sculpture. They firmly represent the modern or ancient culture of society.
However
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, getting a low salary for their
work
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 discouraged them and limited their imagination because low funds do not allow them to focus on their job more effectively. If the
government
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 sport them for their financial needs, They would be able to show their creativity without having to worry about money
Thus
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, a country with more artists would flourish and become renowned for its cultural activities.
Moreover
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, artist's
work
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 has contributed to the country's
economy
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.
For example
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, in the USA, artwork contributes 4% to the national GDP, higher than other sectors
such
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 as education. People from all over the world admire art and travel to different countries to enjoy the artwork. Absolutely, providing financial assistance to
this
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 sector is the responsibility of the
government
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. Artists have the potential to boost the
economy
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 with their
work
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 on an international scale.
To conclude
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,
although
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 the
government
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 have sectors for funding, artwork has become part of modern education and the
economy
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.
Therefore
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, they should be incentivised by providing a sufficient amount of money.

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grammar
Try to avoid small grammatical errors and typos, such as 'art master' instead of 'artists' and 'sport' instead of 'support.' Reviewing and proofreading your work will help minimize these mistakes.
development
Develop the main points with more specific and detailed examples. This will help to strengthen your argument and provide clearer support for your ideas.
clarity
Include a more explicit statement of your position in the introduction and conclusion. This will help to clarify your stance for the reader.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with a defined introduction, body, and conclusion.
content
You have successfully identified the contribution of artists to both culture and economy, which are strong points in support of your argument.
relevance
The essay effectively discusses the importance of government support for artists, maintaining relevance throughout.
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