IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be a good member of the society .Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your opinion..

#people #parents #children #member #society #school #place
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In today's world, different people have different opinions in regard to who is responsible for teaching social manners to a
child
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. Many say it is the school's responsibility
while
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 others oppose it. In my point of view, I believe it is the parent's responsibility. Generally
parents
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 are the first mentors for incorporating a
child
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’s role in society .As the
child
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 spends most of his time with his
parents
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, he has good communication and a better understanding of his roles and responsibilities.
Parents
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 are usually strict
while
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 teaching social duties and
hence
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 the
child
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 is bound to obey them.
In addition
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 to that, he
also
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 admires his
parents
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 as his role model.
For instance
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, the majority of
children
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 look up to their father as a superhero and tend to copy his activities in their daily
life
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lives
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.
Thus
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,
children
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 imitate the acts performed by their
parents
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.
On the contrary
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, full-time working
parents
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 believe that it is
Correct article usage
the schools
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schools
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schools'
school's
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 responsibility to train
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children in
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 social values as they are busy. A school is a place where the
child
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 learns all kinds of activities including being a good member of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. Since
,
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apply
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 the teachers know how to make learning fun, they plan activities that teach moral well-being in a way, that attracts
children
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 to play
as well as
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 learn.
For example
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,teachers teach
children
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 to be friendly,
supportive
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and supportive
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to
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of
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 other class To sum it up, I believe that
children
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 are more connected to their
parents
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 and learn faster by seeing them do their part for society.
Although
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,
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apply
show examples
 teachers do train youngsters to be socially responsible, yet, they cannot be held liable for their characters.
Submitted by yusra.f.jaffer on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in terms of clarity and relevance. There are some logical flaws in the structure of the essay.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task but lacks clarity and comprehensive ideas. The examples provided are somewhat relevant but need further development.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • moral values
  • social norms
  • structured environment
  • cooperation
  • respect
  • communal responsibilities
  • decision-making
  • societal integration
  • consistent messages
  • cultural expectations
  • complementary roles
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