Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It has been argued by some that successful sports professionals earn a lot of money, and it is unfair and a waste of money.
While
others reject this
claim and think that their earnings are fully justified. In that essay will discuss both views and provide my own opinion with relevant examples.
To begin
with, many individuals think that sportsmen’s work is not acquitted, and we should stop financing them to develop public facilities
. As a result
, in developing countries, it could contribute to many developmental progresses, such
as adequate education, public transport and medical care. For instance
, developing countries such
as Indonesia are investing all their funds in city development and providing more opportunities for society and businesses' well-being. In my opinion, public facilities
should be developed as much as possible, but also
provide opportunities for citizens to participate in sports tournaments.
On the other hand
, another segment of society thinks that their job is justified and should be encouraged. Moreover
, the path to becoming a world-class athlete is competitive and requires hard work and discipline. In fact, facing very highly competitive tournaments for participants against athletes from all over the world not only bring income to the economy but also
honour and respect from other countries. I think we should not forget to improve public facilities
but also
, we ought to develop many sports directions.
To conclude
, politics should improve public facilities
and care about our own residents as much as earn a reputation in every aspect where it is possible.Submitted by filwayy on
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task response
The introduction clearly presents both views and the writer's opinion. However, the body paragraphs need to provide more specific and relevant examples to support the points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is mostly clear, but the essay lacks a strong conclusion. Additionally, the examples and supporting points need to be more closely related to the main topic. More explicit transitional devices can help improve overall coherence.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some lexical errors and inappropriate word choices. Use more precise and advanced vocabulary to express ideas.
grammatical range
While the sentences mostly show a range of complex structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay. Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, word forms, and sentence structures.