Modern society is becoming more concerned about the increase in juvenile crime. What do you think is the cause of the increase in juvenile crime? What solutions can you suggest?

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More people are concerned about increasing the number of young crowds committing crimes. From my perspective,

this

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phenomenon stems from the consumer culture and the advancements of the Internet.

To begin

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with, perhaps one major factor contributing to

this

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issue is materialism, it has shrunk the parent's available time to care about their

children

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because they need to work and pay for their expenditures. In the past, in most families, only fathers worked outside and mothers looked after their kids and did some chores, those enabled mothers to stay with and teach their adolescents.

Additionally

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, another possibility is the fragmentation of the local community. In

further

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explanation, in the past, parents could seek assistance from their neighbours to look after their

children

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instead

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of leaving them on the Internet in the present. With the advancements of the Internet, rather than playing with neighbours,

children

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tend to enjoy online types of communication,

such

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as SNS, and it makes them easily connect with some ex-convictions.

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, a statistical report has shown a dramatic increase in the number of burglars arrested cases including some naive students, which were operated by some local gangster groups.

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, one of the most effective solutions will be financial aid for parents who have kids. If each family is assured that they have enough money to live, so they don't have to get an additional job and sacrifice their precious time to work overtime, they could teach their

children

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. One good example is my mother, who has spent her 20 years doing a part-time job to earn money for her family and pay monthly expenditures

such

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as house, food, and clothes.

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to that, operating an online association for juvenile groups hosted by the municipality can resolve the problem.

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, managing a virtual forum helps each member of the community monitor other suspicious behaviours or deter a child from making friends with criminals. In conclusion, there must be explicit reasons why we see the increased crime among young people but financial support from the government and a new type of local community could be solutions to make the situation better.

lenam2k1Tue Sep 19 2023

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general

While the essay does present clear ideas and relevant examples, consider adding more varied vocabulary to enrich the content. Additionally, work on sentence variety to enhance readability.

coherence cohesion friend

Improve the logical transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will aid in making the essay flow more smoothly and help the reader follow your argument more easily.

coherence cohesion friend

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which encapsulate the main ideas well.

task achievement friend

The task is addressed appropriately, both in terms of causes and solutions, demonstrating a good understanding of the prompt.

task achievement friend

Relevant and specific examples are used to support the main points, making the arguments more persuasive.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

355 words

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Modern society is becoming more concerned about the increase in juvenile crime. What do you think is the cause of the increase in juvenile crime? What solutions can you suggest?

Some people state arts courses such painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students .To what extent do you agree or disagree?

chools have the social responsibility to discourage children from eating junk food. Others think it is the parent's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Obesity is becoming a major problem in many parts of the world, especially in rich countries. What are the reasons and solutions?

Some believe that students should learn a language very early in school while others think these subjects should be taught later. discuss bothe sides and give your opinion.