IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Funds in scientific and technological development, instead to arts and culture

Nowadays many governments worldwide have focused great investments in scientific and technological development,
instead
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 to provide
funds
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 to improve
arts
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 and
culture
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 areas.
This
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 could generate the query if with that decision other fields in society could be affected.
While
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 the scientific and technological areas are being developed, there are other important needs to be observed in the population,
such
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 as
arts
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 and
culture
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. On one hand, investing in science and technologic can bring huge benefits to the world population, which, can be an important tool to create new technology to be adapted to the changes that are experiencing the earth,
such
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 as global warming. In my opinion, I agree with the statement that investment in those areas is necessary and important,
however
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, there are other important fields in the community which would be a topic of conversation for many countries around the world.
On the other hand
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, we have the impact that the
arts
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 and
culture
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 have on the population, especially in younger generations. It is important to seek new opportunities to offer the communities in terms of
arts
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 and
culture
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 because
this
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 could be an alternative to reduce crime among young people in some countries. These fields are an important weapon to reduce vandalism and
funds
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 should be created to improve it in many countries worldwide.
To conclude
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, there are many advantages in the investment in scientific and technology range.
However
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,
this
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 could create a problem if space
such
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 as
arts
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 and ability are ignored.
Therefore
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, the need to improve the technology is a reality. As an
alternative
Add a comma
,alternative
show examples
 it is recommended to reduce the
funds
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 on scientific operations in order to create
funds
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 for
arts
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 and
culture
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also
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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