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Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. Discuss both views and opinion.

#parents #people #home
In
this
 contemporary world, the family structure and values have changed
according to
 the modern lifestyle. Meanwhile, young adults are encouraged by their
parents
 to leave home to build a strong career and some people argue that they should stay at home
along with
 their father and mother. Both views will be discussed to bring a logical conclusion. In
this
 era, people lead a different lifestyle when compared with the past. Whereby, the
parents
 are liberal and are optimistic about their young ones' future.
Moreover
, the youngsters become more confident to tackle the challenges in their lives
as well as
 financially independent to find the money for education through part-time jobs that will help
parents
 overcome financial stress.
For example
, many youngsters migrate to different countries for extended education and do part-time jobs to meet the cost of their studies.
In contrast
, when young folks stay away from biological
parents
 it will create many problems in the social life of family members.
Whereas
, bonding between the family members will decrease
due to
 lack of contact with each other, eventually leading to the social isolation of
parents
 when they become older.
Furthermore
, it is the responsibility of everyone to look after their
parents
 when they become older.
For instance
, a study conducted by the Family Welfare Department of Kerala in 2021 found that elderly care centres are increasing operations day by day to look after aged people on behalf of their children.
Hence
, the independent lives of youngsters will decline the family bonds. To recapitulate, young individuals moving from home in search of jobs
as well as
 education is acceptable, but it should not affect any gap in the family life of individuals. So, it is recommended that everyone should give more value to family matters, everything else is secondary.
Submitted by togyzachariah75 on

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion. However, it could benefit from more depth and development of arguments.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is present, but there is room for improvement in linking ideas and creating a more coherent flow. The introduction and conclusion are clear, but the body paragraphs could be more cohesive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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