IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #education #classes #curriculum #children #time #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In fact,
sports
 and motion
activities
 are very important for children. They have a great impact on their mental and physical health.
Also
,
such
 things teach children how to get
along with
 others. Children at
schools
 should have training sessions to make them stay in good shape.
In addition
, they have to play
sports
 especially those that depend on teaming up.
For example
, Playing football, Volleyball and Basketball teaches
students
 how to work as a team to get a better result. There are many studies have been published that show the benefits of applying physical
activities
. They improve the
overall
 health of the body including mental health as well.
Thus
, it is mandatory to add
such
activities
 to the educational process, as it will raise the intelligence level of
students
 and will keep their brains fresh and ready to receive information.
Furthermore
,
sports
 are a kind of entertainment,
students
 will enjoy their
time
 doing these things
as well as
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
learn how to communicate with each other. Playing
sports
 games is a good way for the person who wants to make friends with others. I agree that scientific subjects are very important and
schools
 should give
students
 an acceptable amount of
time
 to study them. It is necessary that each subject has to be learnt well by
students
. After all, the main reason for building
schools
 is to teach people and improve their knowledge and ways of thinking.
This
 shouldn't be interrupted by anything else. In my opinion , both physical
activities
 and academic subjects are important.
However
,
schools
 are teaching buildings and they have to fulfil their duties
first,
then
 it is ok to participate in improving other aspects of
students
.
To conclude
, teachers have to guide their
students
 to manage their
time
.
In other words
,
students
 should have a balanced
time
 between learning academic subjects and doing active things.
Submitted by a7meed5ybari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: