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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that young people have little leisure time for themselves and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies from parents and teachers.

#people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies #parents #teachers
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that young people have little leisure time for themselves and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies from parents and teachers. It is undeniable that school and studying has become an essential part of our life .In
this
 essay I will look at the reasons why
students
 are so busy and why
this
 happens. One of the main causes of that (exactly in my case ) I think it's because of the education system in Kazakhstan . It is a result of
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
 approach to the
students
. The second cause that might be noted , in my view , is rivalry . There are many reasons why
this
 happens. The first cause mentioned above has led to
students
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 busy with unnecessary lessons. Like self-knowledge, first military training, global competence and so on . It’s okay
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if these lessons were interesting for children but now it’s just a waste of time. Another problem that follows is that due to the fact that our government does not provide free education and only provides a small number of grants,
this
 has provoked competition. One of the consequences of
this
 is that there are quite a lot of low-income families in our country and because of
this
, children have to study very hard to win a grant. If it fails, the children will experience moral trauma
as a result
. Having weighed everything mentioned
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, we can come to
conclusion
Correct article usage
the conclusion
show examples
 that all
this
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 of the government. So it would not be surprising to see some new ways
study
Fix the infinitive
to study
show examples
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 in the future.
In other words
 , more comfort for
students
 might happen and we should be ready to bear all the consequences of that.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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