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Band 7

The death penalty is the best way to control and reduce serious crime. to what extent do you agree?

#death #penalty #control #crime
Nowadays, several types of crimes are punished by the law in different ways. One of the most debatable among these is the death penalty, which is perceived as the best answer to manage horrendous acts,
such
 as murder and rape. I believe
this
 should be the case because
this
 may instil fear in individuals who will attempt
such
 acts,
also
, a longer sentence would not guarantee released criminals from re-offending. If the government were to resort to the death penalty for murders and rapists, it would make people hesitate to commit these wrongdoings.
Firstly
, a split-of-second loss of control could result in losing their life from killing someone out of spite and taking advantage of someone, sexually.
This
 can be seen in the past, when offenders were ridiculed and considered inhumane by the public, and
then
 eventually they were electrocuted or beheaded in front of everyone; because of
this
 sight, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 fewer number of these types of criminals.
Moreover
, the volume of re-offenders after their parole is still increasing at
this
 time as they feel that they are no longer welcomed by society.
This
 shows that there is no assurance that their long stay in prison is the perfect remedy to
this
 issue.
Although
 they are encouraged to develop skills behind the cell to potentially find a place outside, the judgement and discrimination they experience from people might trigger their emotional state, which could lead to another murder. Especially, if being inside the prison would not require them to work and try to fit in the society. In conclusion, it appears that one major reason why a lot of criminals re-offend is
due to
 a lack of belongingness outside the bars, and as far as I'm concerned, the death penalty must be enforced to somewhat alarm the public of what could be the consequences of their actions.
Submitted by mjdf0930 on

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task response
Focus on maintaining a clear and consistent position throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but the flow of ideas within paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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