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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some Countries have implemented mandatory community programs for young people. In these programs, children aged 16 to 18 do charity work, help old people or work with animals. What are some advantages and disadvantages for this for young people?

#countries #community #programs #people #children #charity #work #animals
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On a large scale , charity works are great for all ages and situations . Maybe at first sight the mandatory term does not seem right yet going to school to learn various skills of life is a must too so I am not concerned that it may limit their choice of lifestyle . It is an effective way to teach young people about other people's difficulties that may happen to them in future , it can spread the spirit of helping each other when they are in trouble . It is
also
 useful to show the children the pain of life the value of happiness and the effort
that is
 necessary to achieve success . and as another advantage, it clearly helps the government to reduce the cost of taking care of old people and animals . Helping animals is
also
 a brilliant way for children to find out about the importance of the environment . They can realize how much the cycle of nature would impact human life . As I know , In some countries there is a compulsory military service program at these ages for boys only or boys and girls both and compared to that , it is a really better way of using the force of young individuals .
On the other hand
, perhaps some public say it can be a waste of time , So these programs should be managed not to interfere with other important educational and even recreational or social parts of youngsters .
Overall
 I agree with mandatory community programs like these as long as they are managed and part-time to have a successful impact on
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
show examples
 spirits and opinions .
Submitted by pouria.sharifzad on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, but it would benefit from more specific examples to strengthen the points.
task achievement
Some points lack detailed elaboration. Consider adding more examples or anecdotes to clarify and support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor language errors and awkward phrases. Proofreading can help in making the essay more polished.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion appropriately sums up the discussion, reflecting the writer's stance on the topic.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • community programs
  • charity work
  • elderly assistance
  • responsibility
  • empathy
  • real-world experience
  • resumes
  • college applications
  • broader understanding
  • societal issues
  • cultures
  • genuine interest
  • academic performance
  • logistical challenges
  • coordination
  • support
  • time-consuming
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