IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Write a letter to your manager to request setting up a cafeteria for the staff.

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Dear Mr.John I hope you are doing well. I am writing to bring to your attention the inconvenience faced by our staff
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of a cafeteria in our workplace. Many employees have expressed concerns about not having a proper place to have their meals or take short breaks.
As a result
Linking Words
, they often have to go outside the office, which takes up a lot of their break time. Some even struggle to find a suitable place to eat, which affects their comfort and productivity. I personally feel that having a cafeteria would greatly benefit the staff by providing a comfortable space for meals and relaxation. It would
also
Linking Words
 encourage better workplace interactions and
overall
Linking Words
 well-being. I hope you will consider
this
Linking Words
 request. I look forward to your response. Best regards, Shaxruza

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task achievement
Consider adding a brief introduction about why a cafeteria is being requested, including potential benefits for both staff and management.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure proper spacing after 'Mr.' in the greeting at the beginning of the letter to maintain a professional format.
task achievement
The letter effectively communicates the main concern regarding the lack of a cafeteria, which is relevant and important.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the letter is clear with separate paragraphs for the introduction, main points, and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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