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Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#minutes #television #free-time #people
There is no doubt that these days, we are living in
advanced
Correct article usage
an advanced
show examples
 technology era.The majority of
people
 spend most daily hours in front of
television
Add an article
the television
a television
show examples
 screen and
this
would be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lead
Replace the word
leads
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 to unhealthy habits
such
 as becoming lazy
people
.
Moreover
,individuals
also
 be
un connected
Add a hyphen
un-connected
show examples
 with their families. In
this
 essay , I Will discuss
this
 argument, and provide my point of view.  First of all, I totally agree that
television
 device is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an important part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our daily routine but
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
there are a number of drawbacks. It is undeniable that most
people
 use
television
 for entertainment purposes or to receive daily news.
For instance
 , Individuals spend more time in front of t.v screen watching their favorite movies , series , or even playing games.
Therefore
,
long
Add an article
the long
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 time
setting
Fix the agreement mistake
settings
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 will let
people
 get countless
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bad habits
such
 as being uncooperative with others,
Correct word choice
and no
show examples
no
Correct your spelling
not
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communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
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 with others .
Moreover
, becoming lazy individuals may
also
Add a missing verb
be considerd
show examples
considerd
Correct your spelling
considered
consider
 to the
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
 of
television
.
Furthermore
, most
people
 who
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
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 to
television
 have
also
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health issues.
Firstly
,
people
 will be obese because lack of physical activity. To illustrate,
people
 prefer
eat
Fix the infinitive
to eat
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 junk foods and soft drinks rather than eating healthy food, that happens because they have no time to cook or make valuable meals. As
result
Add an article
a result
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 of these factors, several serious diseases
such
 as cancer or cardiovascular diseases may
be affect
Change the verb form
affect
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 those
people
.
To sum up
 , I strongly believe that,
television
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 multiple
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
disadvantages, which could affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 and quality of life
such
 as
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
show examples
 them
to be
Change preposition
from being
show examples
socially
Change the adverb
social
show examples
people
.
Moreover
, getting
sever
Correct your spelling
severe
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 diseases
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more likely
happens
Change the verb form
to happen
show examples
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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bad habits
such
 as eating junk food which
would
Verb problem
apply
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harms
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health .
Submitted by du.sg16 on

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