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Band 7

More and more people no longer read newspaper or watch TV programs to get news. They get news about the world through the Internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #newspaper #tv #programs #news #world #internet #development
With the
development
 of technology, it is common for
people
 to know current affairs through the
Internet
instead
 of TV programs and newspapers. Considering the
information
 gap and economic progress, I believe that it is a positive
development
.
Firstly
, getting
information
 from cyberspace is positive progress as the
information
 gap between urban citizens and
people
 who live in remote areas can be narrowed. To be more specific, the spread of
information
 on the
Internet
 cannot be limited by distances and costs as the newspaper or TV programs, leading to
people
 living in remote regions being able to access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
as much
information
 as the urban public. In comparison, the dissemination of knowledge by newspapers is limited by shipping time
due to
 the long distance, which causes a time difference between
people
 in urban and rural areas in knowing current events.
As a result
, the
information
 differences between
people
 living in different regions can be reduced.
Secondly
, knowing current events about the world through the
Internet
 is a positive
development
 because economic growth can be promoted. More specifically, the amount of news on the
Internet
 is more than that on newspapers or TV programs, and the form of news cannot be limited.
Therefore
, it is definitely clear that once the content on the
Internet
 that
people
 get in touch with increases, the chance that they make more profits will go up.
However
,
this
 phenomenon can
also
 lead to a halt in the paper-making industry or other industries, causing damage to the economy.
Consequently
, financial progress can be achieved in the long term. In conclusion,
although
 short-term disadvantages will occur in the economy, there will be a return in the long run and in more aspects.
Therefore
, I believe that
this
 phenomenon is a positive
development
.
Submitted by hxk7664 on

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task response
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effective. The logical structure holds together well, but more specific examples could be provided to support the main points. In addition, expanding upon and strengthening the relevance of the examples used would enhance task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally strong, with a clear introduction and conclusion. The ideas are presented cohesively and the essay flows well. However, providing more specific and relevant examples would further enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Democratizes access to information
  • Real-time updates
  • Misinformation
  • Diverse range of sources
  • Multiple perspectives
  • Critical thinking
  • Reinforce biases
  • Information overload
  • Decline of traditional media
  • Innovation and adaptation
  • Interactive forms of news consumption
  • Engagement
  • Echo chambers
  • Unverified information
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