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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously?

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Most metropolitans in different countries worldwide are now hosts of
people
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 with different
cultures
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 and
languages
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. Living together, they might come across a few unavoidable conflicts
due to
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 their differences, but these complications could be tackled by both dwellers and the government. I,
therefore
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, attempt to outline some possible solutions to
this
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 problem.
Firstly
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, through some investments in educating residents, states are capable of increasing their awareness about different types of traditions,
cultures
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 and
languages
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. By promoting these through TV programmes during unsocial hours or holding ceremonies which express the traditions of different nations,
people
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 may come together and omit the differences.
For example
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, introducing folks and traditional songs could appeal to
people
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, as they are mostly passionate about music.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 might cost the government a fortune.
Also
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, laws could be imposed in order to prevent misbehaving against racism. Black
people
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 have undergone many inhumane treatments during history, including war and slavery, only because of the colour of their skin. Unfortunately,
this
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 still remains among some individuals, mistreating blacks and humiliating them, which could be curbed and controlled, especially on the internet and social media, using punishments
such
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 as fines or even prison.
However
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, the punishments will intensify the racist beliefs if they are not transparently introduced or if they are excessively severe.
Furthermore
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, meaningful campaigns could be beneficial in increasing the sympathy among members of society. Words are highly impressive, and they can affect individuals’ beliefs, which are buried deep in their subconscious.
Subsequently
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, slogans would have positive effects on the welfare of a community.
For instance
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, many are impressed by the campaign's slogan: Black Lives Matter.
Finally
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, declaring an official
language
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 and conducting courses throughout the city may prevent
language
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 barrier. Taking
language
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 courses could definitely improve non-native citizens' speaking skills, which is an indispensable part of communication.
This
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 tends to higher sociable community members, making a more prosperous city,
although
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 it would end up in the disappearance of some
languages
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, which are the national and cultural identities of
people
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. So, governments should give the right to each nation in order for them to be able to speak their own
language
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 in their community and even educate them to preserve it. In summary, ever-increasing megacities all around the world contain
people
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 from various
cultures
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 and
languages
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, which can create tensions between different groups based on their beliefs or traditions. In spite of all the differences, steps taken by the governments and dwellers,
such
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 as promoting the features of
cultures
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, introducing laws against racism, conducting campaigns, and specifying an official
language
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, can alleviate
this
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 and address the problems.

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Structure
Try to ensure each paragraph is clearly focused on a single idea to avoid potential confusion or dilution of your argument.
Examples
Consider integrating more varied examples that span across different countries and cultures to strengthen your argument and provide a broader perspective.
Language
Be cautious about making broad generalizations, particularly in sensitive areas such as racism. Precision in language can help to avoid misunderstanding.
Argumentation
To make your argument more persuasive, consider presenting opposing points of view and then refuting them. This shows a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Structure
The essay provides a structured response to the topic with a clear introduction and conclusion.
Examples
You effectively use examples, like the Black Lives Matter campaign, to support your points.
Content
The essay discusses a variety of solutions to the issue, demonstrating a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cosmopolitan
  • inclusive policies
  • cultural exchange
  • integration
  • community centers
  • anti-discrimination
  • awareness campaigns
  • support systems
  • diversity
  • equal opportunities
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