IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It has become very common for people to borrow money. Most people have a Credit Card, a mortgage and often they will buy a car on credit as well. Is this a good idea is it too risky? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #money #credit #card #mortgage #car #idea
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The bar chart compares the ages when
women
 had their first child in Australia from 1966 to 2006.
Overall
, there was a growing trend of later parenthood.
While
 there was a sharp drop in the proportion of
women
 who gave
birth
 at the
age
 of 19 and 20-24, an opposite trend was observed among
women
 aged between 30 and over
40s
Correct your spelling
40
, with the biggest rises seen among
women
 in their 30s.
By contrast
, after an initial increase in the percentage of
women
 who decided to have a baby in their late 20s, the figure fell in 2006. In 1966, an overwhelming majority of
women
 leaned towards earlier parenthood with over 60% falling within the 20-24
age
 bracket.
However
,
this
 percentage saw a 20-point fall by 1986,
further
 dropping to 30% in 2006. 25-29 was the second most common
age
 for Australian
women
 to give
birth
 in 1966, with little under 40% of them choosing
this
age
 to be the most appropriate.
After
this
, despite a considerable rise to over 50% in 1986, the percentage dropped to around 40% in 2006. Similar to
women
 in
20
Correct article usage
the 20
show examples
-25
age
 bracket, those aged under 19 experienced a fall in numbers over the years from an initial 35% to around 21% in 1986 before finishing at a mere 11%. The remaining
age
 categories,
however
, experienced consistent rises in their figures.
Women
 in the 30 to 34 and 35 to 39
age
 groups followed a similar trajectory, with their respective figures standing at 12% and 9% in 1966 and increasing to around 19% and 15% in 1986. After two decades, they maintained their trajectory as the proportion of
women
 giving
birth
 in their early 30s reached a staggering 50% and those from the 35-39
age
 bracket doubled.
Women
 who gave
birth
 to their firstborns after the
age
 of 40,
on the other hand
, showed a modest 2% in 1966, a figure, which slowly went up to 4% in 1986, finishing at 5% in 2006. #task1
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and summary conclusion to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Clarify any complex points to ensure all ideas are easily understood by all readers.
coherence cohesion
Good logical structure with comprehensive data presentation.
task achievement
Effective use of specific data to support main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compelled
  • strategic financial decision
  • investing
  • property
  • cash flow
  • rewards programs
  • debt trap
  • servicing debt
  • exacerbate
  • financial strain
  • cycle of debt
  • personal responsibility
  • financial literacy
  • informed decisions
  • excessive borrowing
  • ill-informed borrowing
  • financial planning
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