some people believe that culture will be ruined if it used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #culture #tourism #revenue

It is believed that

culture

will be destroyed if it

used

Add a missing verb

is used

show examples

to earn

tourism

income, but others

thought

Wrong verb form

think

show examples

that

tourism

is the only way of preserving

culture

This

essay agrees with the second statement and will explain in the following essay. On the one hand,

tourism

is the most effective way to protect. Travellers travel to an area to learn about

these

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

local

culture

they

Correct your spelling

the

show examples

learn about customs of the area or some traditional

festival

Fix the agreement mistake

festivals

show examples

, or they can try local traditional

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

For example

, if you go to Bat Trang’s pottery, you can learn about

this

village

Change noun form

village's

show examples

history, you can

also

try making items which are made from pottery.

Moreover

, the evolution of technology

such

as smartphone, computer etc. make young people less likely to pay attention

about

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

culture

travelling

Correct your spelling

Travelling

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

way to introduce

culture

to young people and make them know it.

On the other hand

tourism

also

the main reason that

destroy

Change the verb form

destroys

show examples

the

culture

For example

, Ao Dai of Vietnam

attached

Add a missing verb

is attached

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

Vietnam women, but a lot of foreign tourists know

this

culture

and they use it to make dirty content on social media like

facebook

Capitalize word

Facebook

show examples

youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

tiktok

Correct your spelling

TikTok

etc. It

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

our

culture

worse in

other foreign tourist mind

Change the wording

another foreign tourist mind

other foreign tourist minds

show examples

. What is more, tourists who

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

lack of aware can destroy some historical sites. In conclusion,

tourism

can ruin the

culture

. It is

also

a factor to preserve our tradition.

Submitted by [email protected] on Mon Sep 25 2023

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

234 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people believe that culture will be ruined if it used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school, Do the advantages of this outweight disadvantages.

Some people think that sport has significant impact on the society, others think that sport is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, today there is insufficient respect to old people. What are the reasons? What problem it brings to the society?

The picture illustrates the cycling process of a consumer product called glass bottles.

The culture of different places are now looking similar in modern times. What do you think are the causes of this? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?