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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is now possible for scientist and tourist to travel to remote natural environment, such as the south pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?

It is not uncommon for governments to facilitate the access of scientists and explorers to remote and desolate regions,
such
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 as the South Pole. In my view, the benefits of travelling to these areas far outweigh their potential drawbacks.
This
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 essay will examine both the advantages and disadvantages before presenting my personal opinion. On the one hand, visiting untouched natural environments can bring significant scientific and societal benefits.
For instance
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, researchers exploring regions rarely visited by humans can uncover valuable information about ecosystems, climate patterns, and biodiversity.
Such
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 discoveries may lead to breakthroughs in medicine, as in the case of Antarctic pearlwort, a plant with potential healing properties.
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, expeditions to the South Pole allow scientists to gain first-hand experience of extreme environments, enhancing their understanding of climate change and its global implications.
Therefore
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, these factors collectively contribute to advancements that can improve the quality of life for people worldwide.
On the other hand
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,
such
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 expeditions are not without risks. Some visitors,
for example
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, may fail to protect the pristine nature of these habitats, leaving behind waste that can damage fragile ecosystems.
In
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addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 even minor disturbances in
such
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 environments can take decades, or even centuries, to recover.
Consequently
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, without strict environmental regulations and enforcement, the long-term preservation of these areas could be jeopardised.
This
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 risk
also
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 underscores the need for governments to impose rigorous guidelines on any activity undertaken in these regions. In conclusion,
while
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 there are undeniable environmental concerns, the potential scientific and social gains from exploring remote areas are more compelling.
Thus
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, with proper safeguards, expeditions to places like the South Pole can serve as a valuable investment in humanity’s future.

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strength
You state your view clearly at the start and end. This helps the reader know your position.
improvement
Provide more facts or examples to back up each point, not only one.
coherence
Use shorter sentences and simple words to keep a steady flow.
structure
End with a strong, clear restatement of your view and a quick wrap-up of the main ideas.
structure
Clear view in both intro and conclusion.
coherence
Good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show both sides.
content
A specific example (Antarctic pearlwort) supports a point.
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