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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Being a celebrity-such as a famous film star and sport personality-brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Being a celebrity has both pros and cons. These are discussed in the following paragraphs. I personally believe that being a famous person is more advantageous. First of all, all the celebrities earn's huge amount of money because of their public value and talent.
For example
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, all Bollywood movie stars earn in crores because of their fan following , and their movies always generate big profits.
Moreover
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, a famous sports person
also
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 receives good rewards and money because of their skills and talents.
For instance
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, SACHIN Tendulkar used to get a high salary in IPL matches as he was the most talented player compared to the rest of the team and could finish the match within hours with triumph. And because of
such
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 high remuneration , a superstar can enjoy an elite lifestyle with more comfort and convenience. Like, all famous entities travel in private business class or in a private jet. Apart from their personal gain, they
also
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 play a vital role in society. To explain, because of high income, all movie stars pay high taxes, which are used by the government for public benefits.
Last
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 but not least, there are many actors who
also
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 do charity work.
For example
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, Salman Khan, an Indian film star , charity his thirty per cent income to provide education to underprivileged children. Apart from the benefits, there are some drawbacks too of being a public face. Like, no personal life, as these superstars cannot enjoy normal daily activities. Because they are always stalked by the public and paparazzi.
For example
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, a famous person cannot walk freely on the beach and enjoy the weather as others do. In conclusion, despite there are the cons of being a celebrity. But pros usually outweigh the cons because of the lifestyle and the attention you receive as a celebrity.

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grammar
Fix small grammar errors, for example 'earns' instead of 'earn's and keep nouns plural when needed.
coherence
Use clear links between ideas. Use simple words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'in addition' to show order.
structure
Each paragraph should have one main idea and match it with a short example.
content
Make sure the facts fit the point you make and avoid wrong facts.
conclusion
End with a short close that restates your view.
strength
The writer gives a view and uses two sides.
strength
There are many ideas and a few good examples.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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