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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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Few individuals believe that parents are responsible for inculcating good values in their
children
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,
while
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 others oppose
this
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 ideology by saying that educational institutions are liable for making the
children
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 responsible members of the community. I,
however
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, wholeheartedly concur that both play a significant role and contribute equally to teaching good manners to
children
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. On one side of the argument, there are people who believe that parents are solely responsible for teaching minors about how to become responsible individuals. The main reason for believing
this
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 is that birthgivers are the primary role models for their
children
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.
In other words
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, it is well known that
children
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 learn more from observation and try to imitate the actions of their elderly people. When they demonstrate a positive attitude and etiquette to their offspring, they will ultimately emulate and adopt the same in their life.
For instance
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, when parents greet their ancestors at home by using magical words
such
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 as please, thank you and many more, kids would follow the same.
On the other hand
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, school is the place where
children
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 learn more about the importance of collaborative learning. They spend most of their time
of
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apply
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the day in school with their peers and educational faculty, where they get many opportunities to take part in group tasks.
Doing
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By doing
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this
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, they learn how to respect others and help them
in achieving
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achieve
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 their goals
alongside
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while
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 working
for
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on
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 their own. A particularly good example here is organising annual functions, sports events and other communal festivals by schools to promote a sense of integrity among students. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question., I tend to believe that both contribute in their own way to make the child a responsible citizen of the society
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task response
Task Response: Although the main points are well-explained, some aspects of the prompt were not fully addressed. For instance, the role of parents and schools in teaching good values could have been elaborated further.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is generally good, and the introduction and conclusion are well-presented. However, there are minor issues with the overall flow and coherence of the ideas. Ensure that each paragraph connects effectively to the next, and use cohesive devices to strengthen the relationships between ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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