IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Although many people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies. To what extnet do you agree or disagree with this?

It is debated by some
people
Use synonyms
 that the locations occupied by public
parks
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 should be utilised for developing industries and accommodation to fulfil the emerging needs of the population. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as
parks
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 are crucial for enhancing the physical health of
people
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 of all age groups and for improving relationships between
people
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 in a society. To commence with, recreational areas
such
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 as
parks
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 are important as they provide space for engaging in physical activities. Children, youngsters and older
people
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 spend their leisure time in the
parks
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 by playing games, and sports
such
Linking Words
 as running and walking. These activities help them indulge their body in physical
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
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, which
further
Linking Words
 improves their stamina and ability to resist diseases
such
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 as obesity and cardiovascular issues.
For instance
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,
people
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 living in cities do not have enough space and time to do exercises,
going
Correct word choice
but going
show examples
 to
parks
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 every day motivates them to engage in physical activities with their colleagues and friends.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 public places are of significance in providing open space to
people
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 to opt for healthy habits.
Additionally
Linking Words
, gatherings in
parks
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 provide an opportunity for the local residents to build relationships with their neighbours and other
people
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 who visit those
parks
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.
People
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 who are aged and experience loneliness are often prone to stress because they do not have anyone to talk
to
Punctuation problem
to,
show examples
 as their immediate family members are busy in their lives.
Parks
Use synonyms
 enhance interactions of
people
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 , which leads to making new friends and improving relationships with the natives who meet on a daily basis.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having a strong bond with neighbours will be effective if a person needs help in case of emergencies.
To conclude
Linking Words
, though the increasing population raises the demand for accommodation and employment but
parks
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 are very important for the physical health and well-being of the
people
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. The government can locate other ways to tackle the needs of the growing cities.

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task achievement
Make sure all points are well-supported with examples and explanations. This will make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer linking phrases between paragraphs to improve flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to help the reader understand your points better.
positive
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic, which is a strong start.
positive
You have given good reasons for the importance of parks for health and community, which are relevant to the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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