IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, a large amount of
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are aimed at
children
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 some people argue that it has to be banned.
While
Linking Words
 advertising can have several negative impacts on
children
Use synonyms
, I believe it should not be completely banned. on one hand, advertising can have a detrimental effect on the relationship between
children
Use synonyms
 and parents because
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can have a strong
impact
Use synonyms
 on the behaviours of kids. It is easy for commercials to influence
children
Use synonyms
 to buy
products
Use synonyms
 by creating attractive themes. The unhealthy
products
Use synonyms
 being marketed may not be as healthy as advertised which can
also
Linking Words
 have a bad
impact
Use synonyms
 on
children
Use synonyms
's health. Unfortunately, many
children
Use synonyms
 will be easily persuaded by unhealthy foods and
this
Linking Words
 can have a bad effect on their health. For ,example
according to
Linking Words
 a study conducted by Melbourne University, it is found that the amount of unhealthy food consumption has increased with
advertisements
Use synonyms
.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, banning the commercials can have a negative financial
impact
Use synonyms
 on many companies and employees. Banning advertising on
products
Use synonyms
 can
impact
Use synonyms
 the jobs of marketing team members.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to increased unemployment.For ,example Coca-Cola employs so many individuals for marketing and
advertisements
Use synonyms
, if advertising is banned it can cause unemployment in different departments and the government has to provide financial support for the unemployed which can have a serious
impact
Use synonyms
 on society.
To conclude
Linking Words
, Even though advertising
products
Use synonyms
 targeting
children
Use synonyms
 can have several negative effects, it's
also
Linking Words
 not recommended to ban which can
impact
Use synonyms
 the financial well-being of society. so it is not a good idea to ban
advertisements
Use synonyms
 completely.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are logically connected and that your arguments flow smoothly from one to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Targeted advertising
  • Psychological development
  • Artificial needs
  • Unhealthy eating habits
  • Materialism
  • Consumerism
  • Parental responsibility
  • Critical thinking
  • Informative content
  • Economic implications
  • Revenue generation
  • Content creation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: