IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

soem people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are differing views regarding the distribution of
information
Use synonyms
 in the scientific field, world of business and academics. A group opine
ideas
Use synonyms
 should be freely shared whilst
others
Use synonyms
 think
this
Linking Words
 should not always be the case.
This
Linking Words
 essay seeks to look at both opinions. I will give my opinion in the course of my writing.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in the field of research, it is said that people become more knowledgeable when they share
information
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
others
Use synonyms
 may raise questions that will
further
Linking Words
 challenge the researchers to learn more and come up with even brilliant
ideas
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 can be extrapolated to include what happens in the business and academic world alike. All three fields have a common denominator which is they involve dealing with people. And, without letting out your
ideas
Use synonyms
, it won't be appreciated as people are only previewed to the
information
Use synonyms
 they receive. I can
therefore
Linking Words
 understand why proponents are for sharing
information
Use synonyms
 pertaining to all of these areas as in the end, it is for the benefit of humans.
However
Linking Words
, I still think some
information
Use synonyms
 should remain sacred.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the desire to be special is a thing every human being would like to be. There are numerous stories of how one researcher stole another's idea through communication and was fast enough to publish the idea so bears the name
instead
Linking Words
 of the original inventor.
Also
Linking Words
, businesses thrive on uniqueness and are fundamentally run to generate profit. There is competition in the field of business.
Hence
Linking Words
, when the authorities of one firm let out their
ideas
Use synonyms
 to
others
Use synonyms
, they may lose their specificity and their customers to
others
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
 resulting in money loss. For the aforementioned reasons, I agree that some
information
Use synonyms
 is valuable and should not be shared freely.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I agree that some
ideas
Use synonyms
 are better kept to those who know and in the quest to share, they should be done judiciously.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more comprehensive and to the point. The logical structure of the essay is understandable, although some points could be further developed to enhance coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a complete response to the prompt and offers clear and comprehensive ideas. However, providing more relevant and specific examples would further strengthen the task achievement.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: