some people believe that professionals such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country.
Some
people
believe that well-experienced workers, such
as doctors and engineers, should be regulated to work
in the place where they got their educational training. However
, others believe they could work
where they want to do freely. I do believe that all people
have the same right to choose where they want to live and work
.
It is ubiquitous in many countries
that many inhabitants are pursuing their professional training or educational degrees overseas, especially for people
who come from undeveloped countries
like Indonesia, Thailand, the Philippines, and so on. They commonly wish to find a better quality of education that could give them legal certifications for their future professional work
. Although
the host country could hire them as professionals like doctors and engineers who are very needed in their social lives, they have to have the same right to determine the best way for them to live. On another view, it would be beneficial when skilled graduates come back to their country to develop their own regions that are still under development since they are more needed than those working in developed countries
.
Even though working in developed countries
provides higher salaries than in the countries
where they come from, it could enhance the racist rates when the immigrants have a higher position than the native people
. For instance
, in the 1900s, South Korean immigrants got some acts of violence from black native people
in the USA and committed some bloody accidents in California because they opened some massive stores. In another example, some workers from China in a mining plant in the South East Sulawesi have troubles with the natives since they got higher salaries than those.
All in all, I firmly agree that professional people
should have the flexibility to find the best choices for them. However
, it would be advantageous for them when they want to go back to their home country.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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coherence cohesion
You have done well with the introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure of the essay could be improved. Some paragraphs seem to touch on multiple ideas, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Try to stick to one main idea per paragraph, introduced by a clear topic sentence, and develop it fully before moving on to the next one.
task achievement
While the essay mostly addresses the task, there are a few places where more explicit linking to the task could be included. Remember that task response is not just about addressing all parts of the task, but also about how well you develop and support your ideas. Try to provide a clearer overall argument and relate all of your points more explicitly to this argument, rather than discussing related issues in isolation.
lexical resource
The choice of lexicon and the complexity of the sentence structures is good, though there are minor grammatical errors that you should pay attention to. Make sure your subject-verb agreement is correct, and try to eliminate irrelevant filler words from your sentences to make them more concise and clear.
grammatical range accuracy
Overall, your grammar usage is up to the mark. There are a few minor errors, including incorrect prepositions and articles. Remember that accuracy is important in your writing, so try to avoid making these small mistakes. Additionally, ensure appropriate usage of complex structures. Also, try to vary your sentence structure more for an advanced range of grammatical construction.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.