IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some poeple believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue , but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture . Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#poeple #culture #tourism #revenue
It is thought that cultivation will be destroyed by tourism .
While others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
 are inclined to think that the things travellers can do
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
help preserve those attitudes.
This
 essay will discuss both views and explain the reason why the latter is considerably right . It can be seen that many myths are modified for commercialisation . In Dong Nai , Nam Cat Tien Nation Park has a negative effect on creature habitats because of the large number of visitors.
Moreover
 ,during the peak season , the massive influx of visitors from many places damages cultural heritage sites irreversibly . When visiting some monuments or statues , some sightseer carves their names on rocks for memories
as well as
 cause irreparable damage . Alternatively , the increase in tourism can create sufficient for local communities to support conservation and protection . When selling souvenirs for visitors that money can be invested back in the prevention and encourage the revival of attitude or heritage sites . A clear instance in Hoi An ancient town , one of the most tourist attractions in VietNam is that local people sell conical hats or ceramic products to advertise their folklore.
Therefore
 , it will support the local handicrafts and promote cultural values . From my perspective , I believe tourism plays a crucial part in protection and improvement . The money will encourage inhabitants and the government to upgrade and preserve that heritage and culture.
To conclude
 , both sides have their own positive and negative views .
However
 , I still accept that the advantages that the sightseer industry can contribute to the development of civilization and advertise the culture .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: