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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

In many cultures,
children
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 are encouraged to believe that they can accomplish anything as long as they
work
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 hard.
While
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this
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 message can indeed foster motivation and resilience, it may
also
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 create unrealistic expectations and psychological pressure. On the one hand, the main advantage of
this
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 belief is that it can inspire young people to develop perseverance.
Children
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 who are told that effort leads to success are more likely to stay motivated when facing difficulties.
For instance
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, a student who struggles with mathematics might continue
practicing
Use the right word
practising
show examples
 rather than giving up, ultimately improving their performance.
Moreover
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, athletes or musicians who devote years to training often make significant progress, even if they do not reach the very top. In
this
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 sense, the message helps cultivate a growth mindset, which is widely regarded by psychologists as an important factor for long-term achievement.
On the other hand
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, telling
children
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 that hard
work
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 guarantees success may
also
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 bring disadvantages. Not all goals are attainable, regardless of effort, because factors
such
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 as natural talent, economic resources, and even luck can play crucial roles. To illustrate, a child who dreams of becoming a professional basketball player may never succeed if they lack the required physical attributes. Persisting in
such
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 unrealistic ambitions could lead to frustration, wasted time, and loss of confidence. In more extreme cases, young people may experience anxiety or depression when their hard
work
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 fails to deliver the promised results. In conclusion,
while
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 encouraging
children
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 to believe in the power of hard
work
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 can promote persistence and determination, it is equally important to teach them to set realistic goals and
recognize
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recognise
show examples
 their limitations. On balance, a combination of optimism and practicality may help
children
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 stay motivated without suffering unnecessary disappointment.

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task
Be clear in the intro what you will say about the topic and what side you take.
coherence
Keep your ideas in order. Use a one idea per paragraph rule and use link words like first, next, and also.
examples
Give more real details or facts to back up your points in each paragraph.
structure
End with a short, clear final line that shows your view is balanced.
language
Use only simple words and short sentences to be easy to read.
structure
Clear plan in the essay: it has a start, middle and end.
coherence
Good use of contrast words like On the one hand and On the other hand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Encouragement
  • Motivation
  • Determination
  • Work Ethic
  • Persistence
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Challenges
  • Unrealistic Expectations
  • Disappointment
  • Frustration
  • Limitations
  • External Factors
  • Pressure
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Mental Health
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