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Band 7

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work
In today's society, most
people
 choose to live far from their families and friends for work. I strongly believe that working far from our comfort zone will obtain benefits and outweigh the drawbacks for several reasons. On one hand, the first argument is that moving to a new place far from our family and peers encourages the individual to have a life full of responsibility and curiosity.
While
 living near family,
people
 have their full support in their mental health and financial support, and they have a place to escape
to
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apply
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when they have a problem with their
job
.
However
,
in contrast
, when relocating for a better
job
 opportunity,
people
 have to solve their problems and depend on themselves.
As a result
, most
people
 who live abroad alone have a strong mentality and can deal with numerous types of
people
's personalities and issues. Based on psychological research,
people
 who live alone have the ability to connect and adapt to every type of personality, so they have a great chance to develop their careers faster.
On the other hand
, another essential benefit of working far from home is that there are more
job
 opportunities and better income. In an urban society, a big city offers better
job
 options,
such
 as engineering, IT, and chef positions. Meanwhile, in most small cities, there is not a huge variety of jobs for today's generation.
For example
, in today's situation, most young employees in Asia choose to move and start new careers and learn a new skill to work in Australia because they offer high salaries. In conclusion, working far from our families and friends might have negative effects, but I strongly believe the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Living away from family fosters strong personalities and encourages better
job
 opportunities.
Submitted by yannn on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay presents a coherent argument, stronger linkage between the introduction and each body paragraph could enhance logical flow.
task achievement
Ensure that each point discussed in the body is tied back to your main argument, reinforcing how advantages outweigh disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and consistent structure with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The points made are relevant and address the issue presented in the task effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
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