Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In today's society, most

people

choose to live far from their families and friends for work. I strongly believe that working far from our comfort zone will obtain benefits and outweigh the drawbacks for several reasons. On one hand, the first argument is that moving to a new place far from our family and peers encourages the individual to have a life full of responsibility and curiosity.

While

living near family,

people

have their full support in their mental health and financial support, and they have a place to escape

Change preposition

apply

show examples

when they have a problem with their

job

However

in contrast

, when relocating for a better

job

opportunity,

people

have to solve their problems and depend on themselves.

As a result

, most

people

who live abroad alone have a strong mentality and can deal with numerous types of

people

's personalities and issues. Based on psychological research,

people

who live alone have the ability to connect and adapt to every type of personality, so they have a great chance to develop their careers faster.

On the other hand

, another essential benefit of working far from home is that there are more

job

opportunities and better income. In an urban society, a big city offers better

job

options,

such

as engineering, IT, and chef positions. Meanwhile, in most small cities, there is not a huge variety of jobs for today's generation.

For example

, in today's situation, most young employees in Asia choose to move and start new careers and learn a new skill to work in Australia because they offer high salaries. In conclusion, working far from our families and friends might have negative effects, but I strongly believe the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Living away from family fosters strong personalities and encourages better

job

opportunities.

Submitted by yannn on Tue Oct 22 2024

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coherence cohesion

While the essay presents a coherent argument, stronger linkage between the introduction and each body paragraph could enhance logical flow.

task achievement

Ensure that each point discussed in the body is tied back to your main argument, reinforcing how advantages outweigh disadvantages.

coherence cohesion

The essay maintains a clear and consistent structure with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion.

task achievement

The points made are relevant and address the issue presented in the task effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

295 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

career advancement
job opportunities
job market
salaries
personal growth
cultural horizons
adaptability
resilience
global perspective
emotional and psychological impact
loved ones
loneliness
homesickness
support network
long-distance relationships
emotional strain
face-to-face interactions
financial cost
housing deposits
travel costs
living expenses

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Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the government should fund music, dance and arts lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or by children's families. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Most country are compared by their economic success. Do you think there are some other important factors that need to be taken into consideration? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

Everyone should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?