IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? To what extend do you agree or disagreewith this opinion?

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It is undeniable that in
this
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 era of humanities, life become easier than ever.
Children
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 can learn from mistakes,
however
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,
punishment
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 plays a crucial role in acquiring good attitudes. From my perspective, I assert that its outcomes are more likely to be positive. Ergo,
this
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 essay will highlight several punishments which should parents and teachers following them to teach adults, by providing relevant examples and insights. On the one, there is no denying that
punishment
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 plays a vital way in teaching boys and girls in the first ages,
hence
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, there are several steps to
this
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 event. First and foremost, positive
punishment
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 is an essential way to improve behaviour. To illustrate more, more and more parents suffer from crying infants in the current days.
For example
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, The Omani Educational Associate indicated that 85%of
children
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 cry to control their parents , especially in Muscat and Sohar Regions. Unlike the ALDakhliya side, a quarter of
children
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 have good behaviour. Sequentially, mothers and fathers should be more strict with their
children
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.
In addition
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, they should encourage positive morals,
for instance
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, by giving them candy or going to the picnic.
Additionally
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, more and more teachers teach the students a variety of morals. And
then
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 guide them to follow a great habit in their lifestyle. A clear example is a report by the UNESCO survey that showed a good teacher who guided their learners toward the right side and when they made mistakes, immediately learned the negative consequences and pushed them by merits
punishment
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.
Thus
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, students have raised awareness by learning and positive dealing. In conclusion, no doubt in
this
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 era of neck-to-neck competition, more residents teach their
children
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 by using positive
punishment
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 rather than negative.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree that the nations should be strict more in front of their kids
as well as
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 boost them in different situations.
Moreover
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, these can be lessened by some immediate steps by the government and citizens.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly articulate your position in the introduction and maintain it throughout the essay. Clarify your stance on the necessity and type of punishment.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the flow of your essay by using clearer transition words between ideas and paragraphs, which will better guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
Review your examples for relevance and clarity. Ensure that each example distinctly supports the point being made and adds to the argument regarding punishment.
Content
Your effort to present a balanced view on the topic shows engagement with the question.
Content
The essay discusses various perspectives on punishment and good behavior, which is relevant to the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • instilling
  • moral values
  • discipline
  • verbal warnings
  • time-outs
  • constructive methods
  • positive reinforcement
  • reward systems
  • psychological effects
  • foster
  • resentment
  • modeling
  • physical punishment
  • emotional well-being
  • balance
  • understanding
  • long term effects
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