IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat. Do you agree or disagree?

#parents #children
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The spread of obesity in children has brought in many concerns among the communities and an obvious target for
this
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 is the
parents
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 where people want them to be punished for letting their kids be in
such
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 condition. I do agree with
this
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 statement as many can learn and focus on their
child
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's eating habits and health condition,
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additionally
Add a comma
,additionally
show examples
 more outdoor activities can be promoted alongside. First of all, from being born till a certain age, a baby eats what the parent provides, it is an undeniable fact that a
child
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 tends to follow whatever his
parents
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 do and
hence
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 it is a big responsibility on
parents
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 to set some good examples in front of their children.
For example
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, a study reveals that a
child
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 from an early age prefers to eat what his parent eats or offers. It is high time that attention must shift towards the dietary habits a
child
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 has adopted and authorities need to take
action
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 against the ignorant
parents
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 and educate them on food and nutrition.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 should be taken as an emergency situation globally, the health ministries need to get involved and make some harsh decisions. As an example, currently USA has one of the highest rates of obesity among the generation aged below 15 and the government has taken immediate
action
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 by restricting fast food chains near school areas and making outdoor activities compulsory in schools. A fine must be imposed on the family where any kid of age is overweight and must be forced to report weekly on the outdoor sport
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child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
 participated in. A small
action
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 by higher authorities can weigh more than mere words by doctors. In conclusion, people think it is
parents
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 who have shown their negligence towards their kids that 7 out of 10 children are obese today. I do opine with
this
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 idea of taking some
action
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 against
such
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parents
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 and
also
Linking Words
 educating them. It is important to overcome
this
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 situation and save future generations from
this
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 disease.
Submitted by abid.srm on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • genetics
  • socio-economic status
  • nutritional education
  • physical activity programs
  • adverse effects
  • mental health issues
  • responsibility sharing
  • implementation
  • privileged families
  • supportive environment
  • lifestyle changes
  • educational campaigns
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