Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Many
people
believe that
music
can space out
people
of generations and different cultures. From my perspective, I agree with
this
opinion. At
first,
music
has the ability to promote varied feelings
such
as feeling furious, blue, cheerful, and euphoric irrespective of country. Despite the lyrics of the song may be hard to comprehend.
However
, the melody is linguistically neutral. In fact, the listeners do not have to understand so clearly the language in the song to feel the melody.
In other words
,
music
spreads across all linguistic and cultural boundaries, which means that we don't need to understand the messages of the
songs
word by word. In fact, at live concerts, Vietnamese teenagers who love listening to Korean or Japanese are still moved
while
listening to the melody. By nature,
music
doesn’t have any rules or formulas at all. When we listen to those
songs
with our own ears and feel them with all our hearts, we will naturally find joy. In brief, the full explanation for
songs
would probably be that they are the lyrics of our souls and our true selves. In fact,
music
is a familiar point that helps everyone know each other inside and out regardless of age. It is easy to catch teenagers falling in love with the nostalgic
songs
that have been released for many years or easily encounter older dancing to contemporary
music
like R&B, hip-hop, and pop,... These are not the things that when pigs fly.
For instance
, it is so simple to see a family of dissimilar generations go to the karaoke room together and enjoy the same song with happiness.
For instance
, the Grammy Awards continued to be held during the Covid 19 pandemic to acknowledge the validity and integrity of great musicians and singers whose
songs
bring
people
from all around the world together.
Finally
,
music
is an indispensable part of life and it seems that a magical language makes
people
of different cultures or ages close up.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear and direct thesis statement in your introduction to firmly establish your point of view from the beginning.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, link ideas more explicitly using a variety of transition words or phrases.
Task Achievement
Integrate specific, real-world examples to bolster your arguments and illustrate your points more vividly.
Language
Revise your essay for minor grammatical inaccuracies and improve sentence structure for clarity.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively conveys your agreement with the topic, providing a well-considered perspective.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've successfully used examples to support your viewpoints, particularly the references to how music transcends linguistic barriers and generational gaps.
Coherence & Cohesion
The use of real-life instances, such as the Grammy Awards during the COVID-19 pandemic, adds a tangible aspect to your argument, making it more engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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