IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #students
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Nowadays, we are living in a world complex because there are many problems
above all
 gender problems.
For instance
, universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. In
this
 essay, I will explain because I agree with the statements and I will give some points of view.
On the other hand
, I believe that all universities should accept in equal ways male and females but sometimes depends, in ,fact if you study engineering, it will be easier to meet males.
For instance
, there are a lot of courses
such
 as mechanical, aerospace and other fields, where there are more males than females, but I think that universities should invest more resources to incentivize females, to study these subjects. In my opinion,
this
 is a problem that we have in Italy in fact our systems are old, they are based on a model where the female must do some things
such
 as economics or law and the man must do engineering.
Furthermore
,
this
 is very wrong because we are equal in all ways and I believe that it needs to get rid of
this
 stereotype.
In addition
, many people think that women should stay at home,
for instance
 cleaning at home or making a meal, and so on. In conclusion, implementing sex equality and breaking stereotypes to give more chances to women or girls in different sectors will definitely lead to the improvement of the country and will make women confident enough to live their lives to the fullest and serve their communities.
Submitted by afiorentino404346 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear, coherent argument throughout, presenting ideas in a somewhat disorganized manner. It is essential to establish a clear position on the topic and maintain that stance consistently across your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they are weak. The introduction should clearly outline your argument, and the conclusion should effectively summarize the points made. Both should reflect a firm stance on the given topic.
coherence cohesion
The main points you provide are underdeveloped and lack adequate support. Including more detailed explanations and relevant examples can help strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You only partially address the task. A complete response requires a full exploration of the topic, including a balanced discussion and a clearly expressed opinion on the matter.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be stated more comprehensively. Strive to express your thoughts fully and explore the implications of your argument to meet the requirements of the task.
task achievement
Specific examples to support your points are lacking. Use concrete illustrations or data to back up your arguments and make them more convincing to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
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